Jen's World

You know, we all have our little quirks (except for all you normal people out there), those things that friends or family might dig you about, or that you would secretly like to change about yourself. The last few years, it has been called to my attention that I day dream.

A lot.

So, growing up I was shy, painfully so in fact. Sometimes my daydreaming, Jen’s World as I like to call it was much safer than the real world of people. And, let’s face it, I had some fun there. Jen’s World is an interesting place and if you ever had a chance to go, I think you would find all kinds of cool stuff to do and see. You might even want to frequent there often, just as I had over the years.

But, the powers that be (Jesus) seemed insistent on busting through my little inner world. I became a Christian, and slowly… slowly, I started coming out of my shell. And when I mean slow, I mean it has been a journey to realize the real world is sketchy and a risk, but the other reality is that I love people and I want to know them regardless…. So I began to step out there, and began to believe that I can be myself with others. That the person who is uniquely me is actually a good thing.

Old habits die hard, and from time to time, I take small fleeting trips, and during situations that are inappropriate. For instance, just a few weeks ago I had coffee with two people, one that I had just met and the other a perfect stranger. One of them asked me a question and I had completely checked out. Oh yeah, you guessed it. I was in Jen’s world and was incredibly embarrassed that it was happening, that he had been talking to me and I was in the coffee shop no longer. I responded by laughing, but didn’t bother to explain. Jen’s world may have been too much for these folks. I didn’t want to overwhelm them.

At any rate, I’m trying to reserve this favorite place for quiet times alone or on the train, but it takes time people. Mel – I am talking to you when I say this, I really am trying!! I am becoming a new woman every day, one that is less and less dependant on a world that used to bring a whole lot of security…