Community and a cup of coffee

So church. I've been looking for one here, and not sure if I have found one yet. There are a few that have caught my eye. One that meets at Union Station that is sending people out all over the world, and reaching out to the homeless around the train station. I loved their heart to reach out. Another one is here in Maryland where they sort of bring the liturgical and evangelical worshippers in one house. Communion, giving of tithes, singing all occur together. You can light a candle, sing, join a few others in prayer. All of these actions are ways to pour out our affections for our God and so it refreshed me.

Wanting to be truely involved again in church has been a slow process, but i think i'm ready. My church in Houston experienced a painful split, a few years ago that literally broke my heart. I mean I think my chest hurt when I entered the building for about a year afterwards. This was my family and I thought we laid our lives down for our family, we dont' walk out. We don't give up so easily when things get tough. I even cut all my hair off as this weird response to how hurt i was about it. WHO DOES THAT EXACTLY? Normal girls cut their hair off after a horrible break up with a boy. I cut all my hair off because my church broke up.

So three things got me going again. One: The Church of the Resurrection Episcopal. When i was raising support for my current position, I met two priests in Southern California. Father Mark and Father Nick. I met with them several times to talk about what I would be doing in D.C. I went to their early morning service and shared communion with them. Afterwards they bought me breakfast and just talked wtih me, and they loved on me. Just being in their presence was healing, and it made me see how I can still trust my heart to people who want to lead.

Second: The guys at Deidrichs' coffee shoppe. I had been going to this coffee house since grad school, but never really hung out with the morning crew untill the last eight or nine months of being in houston. We would talk about everything, politics, church history, God, sex, football (which i tolerated), movies, and then some. It taught me something about community, and that programs are most definitely not the answer and sometimes more is accomplished spiritually over a cup of joe and the new york times than going to the monday night bible study.

Third: God taught me that there is no man or ministry that will ever be the foundation of my life. Jesus and only Jesus my faithful one, my rock, my great love. Let Him always be with me during the church dramas and the storms in this life...

The church split really shook me up, but I think it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Two minutes

Every two minutes a child will die in the Congo.

Every day 1,250 people die in the silent war of Africa, that has taken more lives in a war since World War II. In a report released in July, Unicef described the death toll in Congo as a “tsunami of death every six months.” In all, nearly four million people have died as a result of the conflict since 1998, almost half of them children under the age of 5, according to the International Rescue Committee.

According to the article: "About 30,000 children have been forced into militias, while untold thousands of girls have been raped, according to the Unicef report. Children labor under toxic conditions in gold and diamond mines. Orphans choke the streets of Kinshasa, the capital, bedraggled platoons in Congo’s vast army of want. "

This is depressing to start out on a Monday, but i read this in the NY Times last night and I was heart broken. These children need our prayers.

The insurgency

I think in my life there are two battles that have tried to break me: One a battle for my love, or rather to know, not just intellectually but to the depths that I am loved by God. And two, where does my identity rest, or in whom does it rest.

The second one is huge for me, and maybe for others as well. I get encouragement, and then I experience rejection, an unmet expectation, or a failure and I so easily forget. Sitting at Deidrichs a few years back I was praying and journaling and I wrote something that I reread this evening:

No one's perception of you can alter the truth about who you are, or diminish the work that was birthed in you from the beginning. The truth is steadfast, the truth cannot be broken in two, it cannot be blown away. You have been sealed and annointed for a good work. Those that have spoken falsely over, that have spoken words of doubt. Those words fall to the ground today because I have spoken life over you, My precious promises to give you a hope and a future.

There will always be an insurgency to challenge my hold on the truth. I'm starting to see that nothing I can do or be in this life will truely validate me as a woman, or a human being. Those are all broken cisterns that as I attempt to drink from them, will just keep me frustrated and discouraged.

But I can be His. I can love God, and love people. And, I can try to do that every day.

Faces in the crowd: Jeremy S

In H-Town our major newspaper is the Houston Chronicle. I’m not particularly fond of the Chronicle, but they have this little vignette each week called, “Faces in the Crowd”. It features someone in the area that is worthy of knowing, who is just plain cool. A guy I know from Deidrichs coffee shoppe was featured a month ago, which you can view here. You won’t be disappointed.

So I decided to create my own “Faces in the Crowd” because I have some very unique characters in my life that I think others should know about, even if it’s vicariously though my perspective. If you find yourself as a feature, don’t be alarmed. I can promise you that 99.9% of what I write will be good stuff.

My first feature is a fellow partner in crime at ICC: Jeremy S.

Jeremy S. is a unique bird – and it’s not because he was home schooled (please laugh at that Jeremy). First of all, we have to start out with his car, which we fondly call Estelle. She is amazing in that her whole rear end is covered in bumper stickers:



















In fact, some of them that I especially love are : “Make mine Virginia wine”
and “This car protected by a man who plays the bagpipes”, and so on.


Jeremy S is teachable. He frequently asks the girls at our organization how to be a better boyfriend. I don’t know if he would exactly express it this way, but basically I think his motivation is to understand and be more empathetic to the female soul. He always asks good questions.

The man is a pro at picking out produce. Occasionally we trade food items at lunch, and the other day I gave him my avocado for his peach. I definitely got the better deal.


My final story: When Jeremy S was trying to figure out if he was supposed to take the job at our organization, he felt like he needed to include God in on the conversation and what better way to bond man to man than to smoke a cigar? I personally believed God was more of a pipe person, but anyhow he sat in the parking lot and smoked a cigar and at the end of the discussion he decided to take the plunge.. But not untill he had climbed the wall of the building to see inside. When he saw that the suites were looking good that sealed the deal for him. He was ready to go to work.

Is this young man so inspirational to dedicate a whole blog post to him? I think so. Jeremy is a face worth noticing, because he has a heart worth noticing (a bit cheesy but it's true). In my daily observations I have noticed he carries himself in such a self-effacing way, with strength but also with great humility. If you spoke with him, you would have to really dig deep to know that he practically runs the place. As a newcomer to the group, it is a privilege to know and to learn from him.

And by the way, he really does play the bagpipes....

Fourth of July

My fourth was spent with my beautiful roomate Jadine. Along with
new friends: Jessie and Sandra. I am also very happy to report i
spent it with Abe too.

It happened to be a rainy day, and these people decided to wear umbrellas on their heads. Sneaking up on them, one of the ladies turned around. I told them they were going to be on my blog. They were not impressed.










This is Abe's view.















Jessie and Jadine












Sandra












It ended up being a beautiful night. Afterwards, the girls and I walked to
Dupont Circle. There was a bunch of people gathered around the Metro
dancing the night away. This band called The Lively Stones, was playing (think
New Orleans and jazz) . A line began to form and Jadine dropped everything and
joined them. I wish i had taken a picture of her. I was exhausted at the end, but it was
lovely, and I hope yours was too...

Manifest Destiny

Sometimes music speaks to me more than anything else can or does in my life. On August 1st my roommate, Katie, who is a sign language interpreter, is signing for a concert featuring Guster (no idea) and Ray LaMontangue (love him man, I just love him). She is signing for Guster, and was practicing for us. One of the songs that I just heard for the first time was called “Manifest Destiny”. When I was listening to the words, I jumped off the bed to go get my camera. Here is the video and the words she is signing: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8672289353760176238

You and I can quit this scene
Build a town and then secede
Like an Adam and an Eve
To the dreamers go the dreams
But the leaders take the lead
It's a frightening, frightening thing

Born to the land of opportunity
of Manifest destiny

Do you want to change your mind?
You can always change your mind


For some of you destiny and purpose may seem crystal clear and you have no problems deciphering what the heck God wants to do with your life. For me, it has been a road where I feel like I only get to travel a few inches at a time with some light. But I know the dreams I have dreamed since I was a little girl, before I even knew what God was all about. Those dreams came back to me in college and especially in grad school. I don’t believe dreams are given to us in vain, but I still don’t know how much we do ourselves and how much is God. I know our life is full of OUR choices.

I don’t want my life to be a waste, I want it to have served a purpose. I never thought I would be in this town, that D.C. would be apart of the journey, or how it fits into the whole picture. I thought by now, that I would be hanging out in some hut in a third world country. Who knew?

Are you a Yankee or a Southerner

I took this silly test and came out 42% Dixie. Come to find out from my word choices, i talk more like a Yankee. Yikes

http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/yankeetest.html

A newbie among the learned

First of all - I just found out my old pastor from college is reading my blog!! Lakan - We will touch base because I want to talk about the Philippines and other stuff, I will call you!!

So, yesterday was a good day. I went to this briefing put on by the ambassador at large for the state dept's bureau for international religious freedom. My boss was supposed to go, but because he had just gotten back in town, i was appointed to go, which stressed me out. I'm still having difficulty meeting people at these things, because inside my head i am thinking, "man, i'm just a newbie at this whole thing, they are going to figure that out as soon as i start talking." so as i was walking down Pennsylvania Avenue, i psyched myself up to be bold.

The meeting was good, but the more important thing was that i got to meet people in the Intl Freedom dept/ State Dept. that worked for interests in the region in which I am focused. Then, there was another guy who I had begun a conversation with before the meeting started. We had exchanged info, but he had his intern call our office to arrange a meeting to talk more about what we had discussed. I didn't realize that he was the director of an organization that we had been wanting to work with which is very cool.

In case you are wondering, the people i met were quite gracious, especially, one of the older gentlemen i spoke with who was finishing up his last year at the state dept. good people.

Anyhow it was a good day, and I am glad my boss had other plans...

A Testament of Freedom 514

Who Am I? This man or that other?
Am I then this man today and tomorrow another?
Am I both all at once? An imposter to others,
but to me little more than a whining, despicable weakling?
Does what is in me compare to a vanquished army,
that flees in disorder before a battle already won?
Who Am I? They mock me these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, You know me, O God. You know I am yours.

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

St. Anselm

O Lord God, teach me to seek You,
For I cannot seek You
Unless You teach me, or find you
Unless You show Yourself to me...

Let me seek You in my desire,
Let me desire You in my seeking
Let me find You by loving You,
Let me love You when I find You.

- Saint Anselm, AD 1109

Truth is stranger than fiction

I think that I could very well write a blog, exclusively commenting on the comings and goings of the dc metro. I love it. There have been a few times i should really have flipped open the journal and start writing about what I was witnessing in front of me. People are so weird. And so interesting.

Tonight I saw a woman wearing red leather heels with all kinds of great tassles hanging around her ankles. I could never pull off red leather tassled heels. But this woman was doing it beautifully.

We (Jadine and I) headed out to U Street where you can catch some chow at Bens Chili Bowl (Bens = real good), or if you are in a jazzy mood just walk down the street and get your fill. Tonight we ended up going to meet Jadines friends at a place called Bus Boys and Poets. It didn't happen to be open mike night or a night for jazz so we just sat around and talked. One of the girls that was with us, Meg was affirming my idea about writing about the subway. "We could totally do a documentary on the orange line alone!!". Oh Yeah we could.

Last story of the night: a man with a ginormous umbrella got on at the Silver Spring stop made the journey with us at the beginning of the night to U Street. As soon as his feet met the pavement, he ran, SPRINTED downstairs to the next train landing. "Well", i thought to myself, maybe the train comes in a timely manner that he feels like break neck speeds are necessary." But on the way home, he happened to be on the train home with us. I mean before the train doors opened all the way he was flying down and up to the next landing. Dude, where's the fire? It's 12:45 am, and there is like a 13-14 minute wait, soooo..... who knows? This is when a camera is handy, to ask him this very question.

Okay, off to sleep.

Sweaty girl on the Hill

I'm just a sweaty girl on Capital Hill.

This won't mean much to alot of you, but I made the mistake of getting off at Union Station this morning. Little did i know that the Rayburn building is far away from Union Station, like really far away in the blazing heat and i am walking in a suit. i walked by the Dirksen building and someone told me that Rayburn was just two blocks down, but in the heat it might as well have been 6-8 blocks. By the time we got to the building I looked like I had gotten out of the shower. My sidekick, intern Veronica was merely red in the face. No perspiration to be seen. Unfortunately, the Italian side of my family sweats profusely. My hair was no longer dry and I was definitely convinced that people would have known i was the room because they could smell me. Yikes.

This morning i visted the Rayburn office on the Hill for a hearing on persecution of Dalit Christians in India. Alot was really new to me, because that isn't my region, but i was glad to be there. The Dalit class is the lowest in the India Caste System. Society has labeled them as the "untouchables", but they have named themselved "Dalit" meaning oppressed. It seems there is a great deal of complexity with persecution of Christians and other minority groups in India. The national rhetoric is that there is religious freedom but on the state and local levels this is not the case. India is now creating new anti-conversion laws, redefinding what "forced conversions" are. Christians can be imprionsed for sharing their faith, under the claims of "emotional coercion", if they are establishing relationships with seekers.

Something striking that was said in the conference was that one-third of social work done in India is done by Chrisitans (who represent 3-5% of the population).

Also: there is a House Bill coming up on the floor for a agreement between India and the United States on nuclear arms next week. I wonder how we can enconomically put pressure on India, so that they might take the issue of persecution seriously.

The least

It's hard to look at brokenness. It's just an ugly thing to look at. We start to hear ourselves say, that's just one more kid that won't make adulthood. That's just one more young girl that was robbed of her dignity. I think oftentimes, including myself, want to just avoid seeing at all.

How often do we see the guy on the street that asks you for a dollar to take the bus for the fourth day in a row?? I know we can't do for everyone, but at times i think our hearts are so hard. According to God, every life carries weight, because we bear His image.

I think when see them, we are left with a choice to do something, to pray, or just keep looking the other way.

One of my favorite stories is in the Old Testament, the woman Hagaar who was driven out by Sarah, with her boy out into the desert with no one to hear his cries. But God sends an angel out there to help her, and she says in her gratefulness, "this is the God who sees me".

Jesus told us whatever we do to the least of these we do to Him.

I'm glad He sees my brokenness and yet He sees more than this still...

Young at heart

Sweet, well meaning intern: So, how old are you anyway Jen?
Me: Older than you
Sweet well meaning intern: How old is that?
Me: 29, months away from the big 3-0
Sweet well meaning intern: Ah.. well... Well, at least you are young at heart
Me: (Laughing hard now) yeah, at least i have that....

Jen's World

You know, we all have our little quirks (except for all you normal people out there), those things that friends or family might dig you about, or that you would secretly like to change about yourself. The last few years, it has been called to my attention that I day dream.

A lot.

So, growing up I was shy, painfully so in fact. Sometimes my daydreaming, Jen’s World as I like to call it was much safer than the real world of people. And, let’s face it, I had some fun there. Jen’s World is an interesting place and if you ever had a chance to go, I think you would find all kinds of cool stuff to do and see. You might even want to frequent there often, just as I had over the years.

But, the powers that be (Jesus) seemed insistent on busting through my little inner world. I became a Christian, and slowly… slowly, I started coming out of my shell. And when I mean slow, I mean it has been a journey to realize the real world is sketchy and a risk, but the other reality is that I love people and I want to know them regardless…. So I began to step out there, and began to believe that I can be myself with others. That the person who is uniquely me is actually a good thing.

Old habits die hard, and from time to time, I take small fleeting trips, and during situations that are inappropriate. For instance, just a few weeks ago I had coffee with two people, one that I had just met and the other a perfect stranger. One of them asked me a question and I had completely checked out. Oh yeah, you guessed it. I was in Jen’s world and was incredibly embarrassed that it was happening, that he had been talking to me and I was in the coffee shop no longer. I responded by laughing, but didn’t bother to explain. Jen’s world may have been too much for these folks. I didn’t want to overwhelm them.

At any rate, I’m trying to reserve this favorite place for quiet times alone or on the train, but it takes time people. Mel – I am talking to you when I say this, I really am trying!! I am becoming a new woman every day, one that is less and less dependant on a world that used to bring a whole lot of security…

Everything's not lost

This afternoon, I was on the phone with my friend Lisa. She was humming a Coldplay song that i had been singing today:

Me: Were you just singing Cold..
Lisa: Oh yeah, i played it all day long today
Me: So did I over and over, that same song!
Lisa: Yeah, crazy
Me: Wow
Lisa: Yeah....

I was a bit frustrated today with work and what is going on there. I am enjoying it, but there are days like everyone else, where I feel like i wonder if i am doing any good here. When you begin any work, or at least with me, i want that endeavor to be successful, i want to be a success. Duh, i sure don't want to fail at it. I, like many others fall into that trap of, I have to do so i can be something. I have to look this way in order to be seen as... you get the picture. In this town, i see how ambitious people are, how they are trying to scramble up to the top, this all consuming drive...and it makes me sad.

Then i was reminded of a conversation i had with a friend of mine back in H Town. I was taking him to the airport, and i started asking him about the year before when he had been so sick he almost died. In fact, we were praying for him fervently, but were starting to wonder if he was going to meet Jesus before any of us.. He has a condition that affects him in a way that at his worst, he couldn't move any part of his body, he couldn't talk, and he couldn't even breathe on his own.

I asked him on that ride to the airport how God encouraged him, expecting to hear something crazy, like God showing up in this huge vision comforting him, something huge...

"Nah, He didn't do that Jen."

Oh.

But, God did remind my friend of one thing, just one thing: "You will always be more important to Me than what you do...."

Enough said..

Matthew

My brother at his second triatholon,
the biking arm of the race. Nearly finished
at the top of his division!! Strong work!!

My hood

I think the resturaunts alone on my
block reflect the diversity of my neck
of the woods in the D.C. area...

Amazing

I met an amazing woman today.

Part of my job is to network with Christians that are serving in some of the most persecuted places in the world. I met this woman because she works in one of the countries I cover. She met me at the metro and when she saw me she came over to greet me, not with a handshake but with an embrace. I think I can't count on my one hand how many times I have been hugged up here. No body hugs on the East Coast, i'm not sure what it is. So right off, I knew I was going to like her.

We had lunch, and she told me about her life, how she endured one tyrannical regime in her twenties and now her own homeland is under a great deal of oppression. She has dealt with being separated from her husband. She has seen her own people starved, beaten, and put into tiny holding cells at extreme temperatures. She has seen so much but there is such a joy and a pure love that came from her, that I can not give justice to it in my own words.

I wonder in our own country, where we sometimes think about freedom with about as much intensity as we did our last meal, could we stand so strong in the face of hardship? And could we emanate the kind of love I felt coming from this woman?

See how her garden grows

My garden is growing!!












This video is especially for my dad. Hope you and mom are having a great
time visiting family in Texas and Oklahoma.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4233954898569420830

On the drive home today

On the drive home, listening to: David Crowder's "Only You"

One of my fears about coming to D.C. was the fear of being alone. And although it has been truely a blessing to meet the people i have crossed paths with so far, it has really been the daily assurance, in one way or another..

that I am never alone.

-i'm just deeply grateful this evening..

"Oh what a tender compassionate friend, He met the need of my heart..." D.C.

Addis Ababa Resturaunt

Jadine, Jess, and I ate at the Ethiopian resturaunt down the street last night, my first experience with Ethiopian food and it was a good one! You get to eat with your hands, and obviously this is much more fun than
regular utensils, i highly recommend it!!

GOOOAAAALLLLL!!!!

I was in Dupont Circle last night when a bunch of cars with Italian flags raised them hi and were honking and screaming ITALY WON!!!

Everything is as it should be. :)

Went to a really cool church yesterday morning with my friend Jessica Lenington and our friend Trey (who is a member). It's called Christ Our Shepherd Church. It was the first time i got the chance to worship in a church that was asthetically beautiful. Not that a building has to be pleasing to the eye in order to be worshipful. But it reminds me of HIs beauty.

And His body was beautiful as well, the youth were setting off that week to help street kids in the area. They also have a ministry to the homeless. So, it was good to be with the folks at Christ Our Shepherd this weekend.

L'Italia sormonterà!

I am so stoked that Italy is in the finals for the World Cup! La vittoria sarà il nostro!

Sing me a sad song Justin Tam

Enter our lovely home and you will find the occasional summer pilgrim, passing through. This week we are hosting some of Katie's friends: Micah, Justin, and Chastity. We should really start calling our place the Silver Spring Holiday Inn. Our home bears the warmth of friends, good food, and singing... My roomates and I like to sing: in the shower, in the car, and in the kitchen.

Today was a blue, rainy day, so Justin sings a melancholy song or two, which is fine by me.

Check out the band he plays with in Nashville: http://www.myspace.com/danielellsworthmusic

HAPPY FOURTH!

Happy Birthday America! More pictures to come of fireworks at our nation's capital....

Laying down some rights

Today i lay down some rights.

To be needed or liked or accepted. Today I lay down the idea that I am owed something for the life i lead, that somehow God owes me certain things.

This is not my life anymore.