A friend and i were sitting in a coffee shop last night talking about relationships and how messy and complicated and really really confusing they are, or at least with the opposite sex. I introduced my friend to the PIF theory. I wish I could claim fame to this theory but it is actually the creation of my friend Reggie. He should copyright it, write a book about it and make some money for his ministry. Seriously Reg, please consider.
But I digress. PIF stands for:
P = proximity (You hang out one on one alot; you are always together)
I= intensity (Deep personal stuff is purged, you are telling each other about the horrible stuff that happened to you as a child.)
F = frequency (You are always talking on the phone, chatting online, meeting together)
If any of these two interactions are given more often than not to the opposite sex than an attraction is bound to develop. And, as he eloquently puts it, this is "not necessarily a move of the Spirit upon your soul."
For example, maybe you happen to be spending a lot of time visiting with someone involved in deep personal conversations. (Proximity and Intensity). Somehow an attraction can develop, which may be confusing to some of us.
But the good news is that it doesn't have to be!!!
Yes! As I have read his theory more and more, I have come to realize that in the event that i am perplexed by the intentions of a guy, I can make it easier on myself by using this process to sort things out.
PIF violations abound in our lives, there is no way to avoid that. I am all for friendships with guys, I hope no one misunderstands. I have friends with guys and they are great and i am grateful for their presence in my life. All I'm saying is that PIF a good filter to put thru all the what ifs we have in relationships. There may be attraction, but not necessarily any follow through. And there may not always be clear communication to confirm anything, so this theory helps me put things into perspective, and keep emotional angst at bay.
So ladies, don't let your mind wander into the bottomless pit, the oblivion of what if he meant something by that???
There is hope for us. There is PIF.
6 comments:
oh pif--where have you been all my life?
Yes - I wish i knew about PIF about ten years ago. Remember, there are PIF violators everywhere. it can happen without warning or preparation. we can't do anything about blatant violations, but we put them thru the PIF filter.
just a little confused- how do you know when PIF means a "violation" and when it just happens to explain the attraction? (Or is that the violation itself?)
Sounds interesting though. You know, some people use PIF to make something happen without knowing that there is a theory as to why it works.
hey dennis - i guess violations or violators is a bad phrase, i just didn't know how to articulate it any other way. at my old church i have seen one extreme where guys would not interact with women. it was this whole "i kissed dating goodbye" thing which i thought was really weird. then i see other extremes where there is alot of deep connections with men and women and not a whole lot of boundaries. in both extremes i saw people get really hurt.
i think its a mighty good thing to have friendships with guys, but i think it's healthy to keep it in perspective. just b/c i feel a deep connection with someone doesn't necessarily mean i should think its going to go anywhere other than a guy who is a great friend. maybe that is my way of protecting myself. maybe that is wisdom. i'm still trying to figure it out to be honest...
Jen, this is the proudest day of my month!
Every time I hear of someone sharing the PIF principle with a friend, it gets me excited. If you were here in person, I'd hug you even though I'm not into that kind of thing.
Also, I beleive the extremes in houston resulted from a perversion of the principle of "Undistracted Devotion" taught by Pastor Leo from 1Cor 7:32-35.
The goal of the principle is help unmarried people focus wholeheartedly on pleasing the Lord. This is the priviledge afforded to singles since we don't have a spouse to be concerned about. We deny ourselves this priviledge when we try to treat a member of the opposite sex in a possessive manner like we would if they were our spouse. This principle was not well taught after he left. As people entered the ministry, I think they got the idea that "I can't date" since they didn't see anyone doing it openly. Our mentorship/discipleship pattern helped perpetuated this notion through social pressure. A scriptural and good thing became weird and destructive because of personal convictions imposed on others through unintended, and sometimes not so, social pressure.
Allowing this perversion to form and continue was a significant failure of leadership at a number of levels. For my role as a leader in the campus ministry and in our church, I take responsibility for any participation, active or passive, I had in permitting the atmosphere of our campus ministry and singles group to be poosoned in this way.
It is now a personal mission of mine to do my best to ensure that individual behavior is governed by Scripture rather than by another persons personal convictions. I am so sorry people were hurt, I'll personally apologize to anyone who wants to hear it. However, I stand behind the principle of "Undistracted Devotion" as I believe it to be sound and Scriptural.
BTW: PIF is copyrighted, but I do need to work harder to spread the word. I'll make this my sabbath project this week.
Keep spreading the word! The people must know!
:) thanks Reg
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