Can this pilgrim make some progress?

The pilgrim has moved...go figure

2007-02-07T09:42:00.000-05:00

But you can find her at this address:

http://jdpilgrim.wordpress.com/

My new place is still in disarray but I'm working on it.

Sufjan

2007-02-06T08:53:00.000-05:00

To use the word "amazing" to describe the concert last night does not do Sufjan Stevens justice. Amazing is just a sad, sad little word compared to what I heard and experienced. I would freeze my keister off again in a heartbeat for another chance to listen to him live.

A long road back to remembering the good

2007-02-05T09:00:00.000-05:00

I was reading the end of John this morning. Jesus tells Peter that he is going to die for him, but in a way that doesn't conjure up anything desirable or easy, like you know, dying in your sleep. Nothing quick and easy. Poor Peter, Jesus was always telling him the cold hard truth. Then Peter (like most people) points to John and says, "What about him?" And Jesus replies, "What is it to you? Follow Me." Nice Jesus, soften the blow for Peter.

It would be easy for Peter to become bitter, or be distracted with comparing his path to John's path in life. I keep coming back to this passage, and identify how Peter must have felt. In my own life, I think, "why is my path look so different than so many of my friends? Why did you choose this for me Jesus? Are you sure you know what you are doing? There is a disconnect here, I don't understand what You are doing!!!"

- "If I have X, Y, and Z for your friends, but something different for you right now, what is that to you? Follow Me."

My response at times is bitterness, but I find when I keep allowing myself, even a tinge of it, I lose sight of the vision, and I become cynical, and my trust is diminished significantly, in God, in the Church, in people. Better remember what it tastes like... to know that God is good. That He is forever faithful, forever just, forever loving. Because you keep taking in that bitter drink, you will forget what those good things taste like, look like, and it can be a long road back....

Josef Tson

2007-02-02T09:19:00.000-05:00

A good friend of mine sent me this link:

http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/viewcat.php?cid=516

Sermons by a man, Josef Tson, who suffered persecution in Communist Romania. The messages speak about how persecution and martyrdom ultimately prepares the way for the church to spread the gospel.

My first all night stake out for concert tickets

2007-01-27T15:54:00.000-05:00

My friend Abby and I were going to go down to the Kennedy Center this morning very early to stand in line for Sufjan Stevens tickets, which were completely free - but only if you were the first 1000 people to be in line. So we were watching the second season of The Office last night, when Abby's sister called us to say she was driving by and saw tents already popping up and curling around the center. OH MY. The threat of not getting there in time was clearly an issue, and what would any two reasonable young women/Sufjan enthusiasts do but go pack up a tent and sleeping bag and camp out!!!!

So...Abby and I got all the basics and drove down to find our place in line. The first guy in line had been there since Friday morning - clearly a die hard Sufjan fan, and a college student who had nothing better to do.

The end of the line was not too bad, and so around 11 pm, we pitched our tent to brave the elements. We spoke of Sufjan and that we needed to stay focus on how great the concert would be. We were serenaded by our next door neighbor, a group of guys with a ukulele, a harmonica and a pretty good sense of rhythm.

Of course I had to go use the bathroom several times throughout the night. The security guard was letting people in several individuals at a time, which was sad considering there were about 20 people in line and my basic needs were not being met and they were INCREDIBLY URGENT. And then people were cutting in line which emboldened many to threaten violence.

So did i mention it was really cold??? This was interesting watching others figure out ways to stay warm - some were running around The Kennedy Center, i saw a few people on a tandem bike. There was an intense game of ultimate frisbee going on. And all at 2 in the morning!!! Abby and I passed the time people watching and telling old camping stories and laughing alot when we tried to stumble out of the tent. It's hard to get out of a tent when you can't feel your legs.

8 45 am - We begin to move towards the Kennedy Center in line while madly stuffing our tent in a bag that was way too small.... but things were looking up!!! People around us who had made the sacrifice to come out here in the frigid cold starting to realize that the sacrifice was about to bear some amazing fruit, like some very amazing tickets... In fact, this guy who finally received his tickets, was jumping up and down and screaming, "This is so worth it - Sufjan you are so worth it!!!"

Wow. Well i have to say i am glad i stuck it out in the winter cold for Sufjan and Abby and really to have the experience. We listened to the Michigan album on the way home and knew it would be even better next Monday live...

Glorious

2007-01-26T09:38:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, towards the end of the day, the sky darkened, and from the sky - huge white flakes floated down - my coworkers turned the lights out and watched as everything seemed to slow down and become quiet. There really is a glory to a snowfall - the uniqueness of each flake to how it can be so peaceful and beautiful.

On the way home I worshipped.

Everything Glorious (David Crowder)

The day is brighter here with You
The night is lighter than it's hue
Would lead me to believe
Which leads me to believe

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?

My eyes are small but they have seen
The beauty of enormous things
Which leads me to believe
There's light enough to see that

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory
You are glorious
You are glorious
From glory to glory

You are glorious

Denial means wearing t-shirts in 35 degree weather

2007-01-24T11:53:00.000-05:00

I am psyching myself up to stand in the cold Saturday morning for concert tickets. The cold and I are not on good terms. In fact, I was hoping against hope that it would make a few appearances this winter and it would just go away.

The cold is mocking me.

Yet, I cling to hope and therefore keep out short sleeved shirts, and walk really fast from building to building.

History belongs to the intercessor

2007-01-23T09:16:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of this year, I have been drawing nearer to this desire (that comes and goes) to pray. Food has lost it's flavor. Fellowship with others is not fulfilling.Television, movies are distractions that have lost all its power to distract. Nothing is satisfying me, and I think the next few months are going to be interesting.

Every time I look at the NY Times, and I have to see the face of one more person in Iraq grieving over another loved one, my heart just sinks further into a hopeless abyss. It's not really about if we were right or not to go in to Iraq, what burdens me is that death has literally wrapped itself around the region and does not want to let
go.

God once said He was looking for one person to stand in the gap for the land.

I have also been thinking alot about power and authority. God did not take away Satan's power at Calvary, but He did take back authority that was taken from us. I forget that when I come to speak on behalf of friends that are dead in the spiritual sense, on regions of the world that are in turmoil, or our own broken soil, I am coming with the authority Jesus gave me when He shed His blood.

The church, the "ekklesia" are the called out ones.

But we are not just the called out ones. In the New Testament, when Jesus speaks in Matt 16:18-19: I also to say that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of Hell will not overpower it. The word, "church" is the greek word Ekklesia. I was reading a book this week that explains that Greeks in Christ's day used the word ekklesia, and it meant an assembly of people set apart to govern the affairs of a state or nation - in essence, a parliment or congress. The Romans used the word as a group of people sent into a conquered region to alter the culture.

Make no mistake about it - Christ did not intend for His church to be merely different but to make a difference.

As the called out ones - we are called to stand in the gap for our culture, our world. I am not going to just sit there and let it die, but be a catalyst, and use the authority God has given me to do this....to declare that the Kingdoms of this world have become the Kingdoms of our Lord.

First Snow

2007-01-21T15:35:00.000-05:00

I woke up from a very long nap today and realized that everything was covered in this white stuff, that people from Southern Texas learn in textbooks as snow.

No girliness here

2007-01-19T21:46:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday, my roomate and I were driving home from church. I look over at her, "Jadine - Am I abnormal for a girl?"

"NO!!!" She laughs.

I was alluding to the worship service in which a comment that the guest pastor made about the women in the congregation. He basically made a generalization about how women were looking for men to marry that would provide them with A and B and C; mostly they were materialistic objectives. Alot of women in our church apprarently was really identifying with his comment. Part of me was a bit horrified. Sometimes i feel like i am on the fringe of womendome, or at least in regards to what women talk about and dare i say it care about????

Because let's be honest. I don't like to go shopping. Decorating sounds about as exciting as pulling my toe nails out. I have no furniture. My most precious possessions are my journals, my pictures, and my mac. probably in that order.

i like cold pizza... I was in the NCAA pool with the guys at Deidrichs last Spring.

What I am trying to say is that I'm not very girly.

With the exception of really loving babies.

A guy friend told me once, that I was just the right amount of girl. This is reassuring, because of the source, but i probably should just be assuring myself that i am this way for a reason. It's not better or worse, and being someone i'm not will definitely prove to be more frustrating, than being a little different.

In the Socialist State of Maryland

2007-01-17T14:05:00.001-05:00

They tax you to breathe the oxygen here. I'm really not kidding.

Children of Men

2007-01-15T15:53:00.000-05:00

This weekend I watched "Children of Men", a film, that although incredibly violent (my eyes were shut thru alot of parts), it really impacted me.

In brief, it depicted a world in 2027 where infertility is not merely epidemic, but it is absolute for all women. No one could have babies.

I think of how our society is pushing the envelope in ways to blot out life when its not convenient. We do not want to be interrupted.

It seems to be contrary to what is centrally universal to all nations and peoples. That the new life of a child is miraculous, it evokes hope in our souls, in our hearts. It is vital to our vision of the future. It is our future.

Yet we devise ways to destroy it.

I won't tell you the end of the movie, but the credits begin with the sound of the laughter of children. Characters in the film lamented about the loss of children's laughter.

Each life carries such a weight and a glory. We should be mindful.

Exciting news

2007-01-13T17:26:00.000-05:00

My roomate, Omo and I are going to start volunteering with the Somali Community Association here in D.C. Most of the families are refugees, and are in need of help with their children. We will be working with a family of seven: nine months to a 11 years old. The kids are so beautiful!!!

Here's another one to discuss among your friends

2007-01-09T07:43:00.000-05:00

My friend Jess and I were praying last night and she mentioned a scripture that was preached on at church this Sunday:

"The same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead, dwells in you."

I tell you what - I do not live alot of my life remembering that - or believing it for that matter. That wherever I go, I carry the Spirit of the Living God with me.

What an amazing piece of information. Just think what will happen if we start to believe it.

Keep this tucked away for the storms in life

2007-01-08T08:40:00.000-05:00

My roomate and I watched the movie, The Mission, an old film that depicts the true story of 18th century Jesuit priests who defended South American Indian tribes from Portugal and Spain, which ultimately leads to their deaths. At the end of the film a verse was flashed on the screen:

"The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness could not overcome it." - John 1:5

And don't we face the darkness every day in the news, in our families, in our own minds, with those obstacles that weary us into believing things will never change. The battle is so fierce. But it says that even the gates of hell cannot prevail against those who are the children of light.

Simple math

2007-01-06T22:18:00.000-05:00

Let X be gratitude and Y be joy. Or maybe it's the other way around. At any rate, I think I might be on to something.

It's a man lunch

2007-01-05T19:25:00.000-05:00

My boss brings three or four plastic bags to lunch every day, and they almost always full of meat.

Chicken, pork, steak. And it's marinated in some sort of liquid floating around in the bag. I'm not a vegetarian, but don't really enjoy meat, and i most definitely don't like to see pieces of meat floating around in meat juice.

Go ahead and gag, it's okay really, because the minute I see him coming for the lunch table, my gag reflex goes into action.

Unfortunately my face always gives my distate away immediately and he laughs. This is his response:

"Jen, it's a man lunch"

I wish the man lunch could be a salad once in awhile.

Where is the love?

2007-01-04T13:40:00.000-05:00

The love is still here. Especially for all you kind folks that let me reference your blog on this site.

But I am taking it down for now so I can play around with adding other things.

I have you bookmarked, you will not be forgotten, and you may be seeing JD comments from time to time...

Coffee shoppe boys

2006-12-30T19:20:00.000-05:00

The many faces

2006-12-26T17:27:00.000-05:00

In a fish bowl

Picasso

World Domination

Big Hair

Vintage Look

It's so pretty

2006-12-23T15:54:00.000-05:00

I shot my pc and put it out of its misery.

Sarah McLachlan - World On Fire

2006-12-21T09:50:00.001-05:00

This has been out for almost a year but I decided it was worth posting. I like how Sarah shows in her video the diversity of way to empower others that are suffering all over the world in a sustainable way.

High School Reunion

2006-12-19T08:11:00.000-05:00

Last night I talked to my one and only friend that I keep tabs on from high school, Veronica. Roni for short. In fact, she is my oldest friend, we grew up in the same neighborhood in Live Oak, a suburb of San Antonio, Texas.We met each other when we were nine years old. It was a great time reminiscing about growing up together. It made me think of other random memories:

1. The mean kid in the neighborhood, Karmin and how I reached my limit of her one afternoon and decided to push her down and give her a good beating. My brother, the younger, even tempered sibling pulled me off of her. I don't feel guilty about that, she needed a good beating.

2. Roni lived in a part of the neighborhood that was behind a wooded area, which I was not really allowed to go - but that did not seem to stop us. There was a long hill where we would take card board and slide down - a very nice memory.

3. I remember when I was over at Roni's house we would play Debbie Gibson's album, Electric Youth, Tiffany, and gasp.... New Kids on the Block. Yikes.

4. Our friends in the fifth grade or so had a slumber party and we watched Nightmare on Elm Street, which scarred for me the next month, because I was convinced if I fell asleep a man with long claws would come after me.

5. 8th grade history: Our teacher, Mr. Haxton forced us to mount a rocking horse and recite The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere. In front of our peers. With a big hat on. And on top of that he took our picture while we rocked back and forth like mental patients and stumbled over verse.

6. Going to orchestra practice and playing the oboe. Later on in high school I would regret giving it up for atheletics. The band people always seemed to have more fun than the atheletes.

7. Tenth grade and on a trip to Round Rock, Texas to play in a volleyball match in the Fall. Our bus catches on fire and we have to pull over and run for our lives. I don't remember if we won the volleyball match.

8. Watching Channel One before class and thinking Anderson Cooper was cute, as he dodged bullets in Kosovo.

9. Going to Sonic after volleyball practice and ordering a cherry lime slush with a cherry on top.

10. Running for hours at practice and actually enjoying it.

11. Getting my braces off for Senior Year Pictures!! Woo Hoo!!!

No lie can live forever

2006-12-17T12:46:00.000-05:00

I had vaguely heard of Project Row Houses, a project to revitalize the Third Ward in my very own Houston Texas. Yesterday I saw an article about it in The New York Times: In Houston, Art is Where the Home Is

The project provides housing for low income families and also estalishes a place for art and celebration and restoration of African American culture and history.

This is a sign by artist Sam Durant, not sure where this is in the Third Ward. When i go to Houston in a week or so, I plan to check it out:

We're on a budget plan

2006-12-16T12:47:00.000-05:00

The lovely Jadine Johnson (my roomie) is in charge of electricity and I am in charge of the gas bill.

Roomate Jadine: Look at our electric bill, it is way down this month, see...

Me: Oh wow, that's great because i might have to cut one of my arms off to pay for the gas bill this month.

Roomate Jadine: But we still have to pay XX because we're on that budget plan.

Me: We have to pay XX? How is that possible?

Roomate Jadine: Uh...because we're on a budget plan?

Me: (Laughter)

Roomate Jadine: (Laughing now at me)

Me: I'm posting this conversation

Roomate Jadine: Don't post about our conversation

Me: Oh yeah it's definitely going on the internet.

Texas vs Virginia

2006-12-14T16:52:00.000-05:00

At lunch today:

Me: There is no point in arguing about this any longer: Texas will always be superior to Virginia.

Coworker: Jen, you sill haven’t convinced me.

Me: We were our own country

Coworker: We were one of the 13 original colonies

Me: We were an independent country for ten years

Coworker: My state was named after the virgin queen

Me: Texas means “ally” or “friend". A name from a Native American language, you know – the guys that were here first. Who cares about the Virgin Queen? What’s so special about being named after a virgin?

Coworker: JEN!!

Me: Okay that was tacky, I’ll give you that…

Conflict Diamonds

2006-12-13T09:24:00.000-05:00

You should go see the movie Blood Diamond - which gives an account about the Civil War in Sierra Leone and how consumerism for diamonds, found in-country helped fuel the war.

The rebel group in the Civil War (the RUF) would often use child soldiers to get their missions accomplished. They would first force them to shoot their own parents and then train them to be without mercy in killing whoever stumbled across their path. Many of these children were drugged and brainwashed, many of them sexually abused.

There is an estimated 200,000 children that are "soldiers" in Africa today.

The RUF used amputation as a tool in their warfare. Over 20,000 people had their hands, legs, and arms cut off.

Here is more information on conflict diamonds if you are interested. As the movie suggested, I would rather not have a diamond on my finger, if it means the life of some child or someone getting their hand cut off...

Facts About Blood Diamonds
Find Out More About Blood Diamonds And How To Avoid Buying One

Sierra Leone's traffic in diamonds has left a trail of carnage. While they may seem a symbol of happiness, the reality of the gems is far from that. What are conflict diamonds?
Conflict, or blood diamonds are mined in a war zone and sold, usually clandestinely, in order to finance an insurgent or invading army's war efforts.How can I ensure a diamond is conflict-free?
The Kimberley Process is a joint government, international diamond industry and civil society initiative established in 2002 to stem the flow of conflict diamonds - rough diamonds that are used by rebel movements to finance wars against legitimate governments. The trade in these illicit stones has contributed to devastating conflicts in countries such as Angola, Cote d'Ivoire, the Democratic Republic of Congo and Sierra Leone.

Click here for states and regional economic integration organizations who have met the minimum requirements of the Kimberley Process Certification Scheme. How many conflict diamonds are there?

The diamond industry estimates that conflict diamonds represent 4 percent of the total trade in rough diamonds. Others have estimated that conflict diamonds could amount to as high as 15 percent of the total trade. In 2001, the diamond industry produced rough diamonds with a market value of $7.9 billion. At the end of the diamond chain, this was converted into jewelry worth $54.1 billion. What areas of the world are affected by conflict diamonds?
The fighting that is fueled by the trade in conflict diamonds has been relegated to a few Central and West African countries. Many of these countries have diamonds that are easier to mine and thus more readily available to smuggle, according to the Kimberly Process.To learn more about conflict diamonds:

• To find out the latest news and information on conflict diamonds, you can refer to the World Diamond Council. • Click here to read more about the movie. • Click here to read more about Sierre Leone in a CBSNews.com interactive. • You can read about the Diamonds Are For Never campaign here. • The The Sierra Leone Global Education Partnership Project has additional resources.

All I want for Christmas is some steely resolve please

2006-12-11T10:09:00.000-05:00

It is becoming quite evident that it is "that time of year again"... Although "that time of year" has commercially arrived since before Halloween and I am already feeling Christmased out.

Never fear - I am not going to wax poetic about the real meaning of Christmas.

If i had to make out a Christmas list this is how it would go:

1. Uncle Sam would take less out of my paycheck next year

2. My car, Samson would definitely take on its namesake (FOR GOODNESS GRACIOUS SAKES ALREADY) and start behaving like a real car that doesn't leak, sputter or generally make the gutteral sounds of an old man. Samson, please for once ... be good to me.

3. I could devise a genius way to make some extra bucks without exhausting myself

4. I would learn how to knit so I would never have to make my way to the mall again and buy overpriced stuff that no one wants anyway.

5. Blossoming within me, would be some good old fashioned, unadulterated steely resolve to keep me going forward. A double portion of however much the Lord is doling out to everyone else. I need me some steely resolve... with a capital S.

I am thinking #5 is something that is slowly emerging...maybe. The other night, I was praying out loud, and one of the things that popped out of my mouth was "Lord, let my face be like flint, unmoved to what I feel is happening in my life - and remember You."

Okay, it wasn't that eloquent, but it was along those lines.... I got interested in this word flint, and looked it up. It comes up in Isaiah 50: "For the LORD God helps Me, therefore I am not disgraced; I have set my face like flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed.... who is among you that fears the Lord, that walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the LORD and rely on His God...."

Teachable

2006-12-08T08:55:00.000-05:00

One of the things I admire most about my father is that he is man with a teachable heart.

I would say that many have an attitude, especially in the church of "you can't teach me anything new", or an intellectual pride in what they know. And....the people that are puffed up in their own knowledge usually do not see it.

Months ago, when I was in Houston, I was having a conversation with a friend about church, and my friend remarked to me, "I have heard every sermon there ever was - pastors out there have nothing new to offer me." The comment saddened me a little - because it sort of closes the door of your heart to receive anything new or fresh.

I have to confess that I can be prideful in what I know, or what I think I know. I have to pray, as the scriptures say, "that the eyes of my heart would be enlightened" to the words and the wisdom of all those around me. To the words of my pastor, to my roomates, to the next door neighbor. God can and in fact will use anyone or anything to speak to me.

I do not want to miss out on what He has to say.

My father is one that never wants to stop learning and the things of God are no exception. He finds himself approaching his 60th year and knows he has more to learn. I think of him and remember Jesus' words to the people, "that whoever humbles himself as a little child...he is the greatest in the Kingdom of God."

Six months after the departure, she discovers a goodbye video

2006-12-06T17:39:00.000-05:00

My friends gave me a good bye video in May and i just discovered it this week. It had been ahem... misplaced.

But it is now found and I actually had access to a camera to clip the video. Here is the end of it, my Sara and her words.

I love my H Town friends...they are irreplaceable. MY SALVAGED VIDEO

Here comes the sun

2006-12-04T14:54:00.000-05:00

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter and brighter until the full day.

Pr 4:18

Faith, hope, and love

2006-11-27T22:40:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in earlier posts that I was hanging out with a couple that used to serve in the Catholic church during the holidays. Frank and Joan Testa. Frank went to a Catholic seminary in Belgium (it's where they send all the smart priests-to-be) and Joan, served for over twenty years as a nun - she wanted to be a nun when she was very young. Why they came out of the Catholic church is very long and involved and not the point of this post.

Anyhow - this couple just loved on me and anyone who does not know the Testas and have not had the privelage of being completely spoiled for a weekend by them is just missing out, that's all there is to it.

More than being very well fed though - i was so thankful for their confidance in me, or maybe I should say their confidance in God to work through me and to come through on my behalf. They prayed with such great faith that the Lord has something tremendously good for me, that He has a hope and a future for me.

They took me to this resturaunt on Friday, and we were talking about my anxieties. Frank told me quite assuringly, "Jen, when you have a pure heart, a heart that is seeking after God, He will always lead you where you need to go. We see your heart and you need to rest in the truth that He wants for you to not worry and to be encouraged, this is the very reason we invited you up here."

When you are uncertain about life and God and where He wants you to go, it is so difficult to see the possibilities. We so desperately need the body of Christ, we need those by our side who will speak faith, hope, and love over us when our vision is tainted and dim. We need people who see in us what we do not see in ourselves. We are kidding ourselves to believe that we can fashion our destinies alone. We need each other.

Frank and Joan loved me like I was their daughter this weekend. The Testas do not have any of their own children naturally, because they got married later in life. But they have so many spiritual children, beloved sons and daughters and I count myself among the lucky few who have been "adopted" by these precious people.

Amish Country

2006-11-26T20:26:00.000-05:00

Spent four days in Christiana, Pennsylvania. Home to Frank and Joan Testa, one of the birth places for the underground railroad (in fact there is a sign that says "Freedom was borne here"), and Amish country. The Testas spoiled me rotten, and am going back the second I get the opportunity.

For the last two or three days, I watched horse drawn buggies go by the house. The Amish apparently do not allow children to use bicycles but they will let them use scooters. Don't ask me what the difference is...

That weekend, I saw women hanging out all their clothes.

Singing Spring Foods is an Amish store, a store where oil lamps illuminate the insides.

Amish country is unquestionably beautiful.

Amish country is full of hard working people. They work from sun up to sun down. I wanted to take more pictures of the their dress but I felt like I was invading this very private world that many never get the opportunity to see and experience.

I enjoyed the simplicity of this place. Our culture is inundated with so much "stuff". Everyone needs a good purging of all the distractions in life, and I think mine was way overdue.

It's my hundredth post!

2006-11-22T13:51:00.000-05:00

I just would like to say that this is my 100th post.

And I have nothing profound to say.

Happy Thanksgiving! I am off to Amish country (Lancaster, Pennyslvania). An ex priest, and ex nun (who are happily married) invited me to stay with them this weekend. It should prove to be an interesting holiday!!

PIF

2006-11-16T09:14:00.000-05:00

A friend and i were sitting in a coffee shop last night talking about relationships and how messy and complicated and really really confusing they are, or at least with the opposite sex. I introduced my friend to the PIF theory. I wish I could claim fame to this theory but it is actually the creation of my friend Reggie. He should copyright it, write a book about it and make some money for his ministry. Seriously Reg, please consider.

But I digress. PIF stands for:

P = proximity (You hang out one on one alot; you are always together)

I= intensity (Deep personal stuff is purged, you are telling each other about the horrible stuff that happened to you as a child.)

F = frequency (You are always talking on the phone, chatting online, meeting together)

If any of these two interactions are given more often than not to the opposite sex than an attraction is bound to develop. And, as he eloquently puts it, this is "not necessarily a move of the Spirit upon your soul."

For example, maybe you happen to be spending a lot of time visiting with someone involved in deep personal conversations. (Proximity and Intensity). Somehow an attraction can develop, which may be confusing to some of us.

But the good news is that it doesn't have to be!!!

Yes! As I have read his theory more and more, I have come to realize that in the event that i am perplexed by the intentions of a guy, I can make it easier on myself by using this process to sort things out.

PIF violations abound in our lives, there is no way to avoid that. I am all for friendships with guys, I hope no one misunderstands. I have friends with guys and they are great and i am grateful for their presence in my life. All I'm saying is that PIF a good filter to put thru all the what ifs we have in relationships. There may be attraction, but not necessarily any follow through. And there may not always be clear communication to confirm anything, so this theory helps me put things into perspective, and keep emotional angst at bay.

So ladies, don't let your mind wander into the bottomless pit, the oblivion of what if he meant something by that???

There is hope for us. There is PIF.

Union Station

2006-11-15T10:43:00.000-05:00

On Monday I took Pastor James up to Capital Hill to speak with staffers about Sudan. For the most part I think it went well.

When we were walking back to Union Station, we came across this Korean man.

He stood alone playing the trumpet. And out of that instrument was the sweetest version of "What a friend we have in Jesus" I have ever heard in my life. It was so beautiful James started to tear up.

In unison, we both turned around, took a deep breath and listened. The man stopped playing and started singing this simple praise song to God. It was so pure and simple and good. A far cry from the cynacism that sort of hung over the city that day like a black cloud. I listened and made a special note of thanksgiving for this man.

Perfectly fitted

2006-11-12T16:19:00.000-05:00

I was once a huge Waterdeep fan. My love has subsided, but I just rediscovered them and have also stumbled across their myspace site (who doesn't have one of these now???).

Check their new song out, "Perfectly fitted."

Their official site.

Changing of the guard

2006-11-10T10:21:00.000-05:00

This week there was the changing of the guard (The House and Senate are now controlled by the Democrats).....

and much more importantly the change of the Starbucks to - go cup to indicate the holiday season is officially here.

My question to you is which "change" could you have done without???

It's called the Good Ugly

2006-11-09T21:31:00.000-05:00

A good ugly cry. That's what happened to me the other day.

What makes a good, ugly cry, truely good and ugly is not simply that you are red faced, tears streaming down, not able to calm down, but in fact that it happens in front of a group of people.

And there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.

I mean we are talking, I can't stop the tears from coming. It was a deluge, they could have called for a Flash Flood Warning.

There are techniques to keep emotions at bay. There are ways to stop the madness. Slow measured breathing, focus on something else. But no, not that day. Nothing was going to stop those cursed tears from coming!!

The people that I was with tried to pretend that it wasn't happening which now in retrospect strikes me as funny. How can you pretend that someone is not hyperventilating next to you?

I was thinking today how embarrassed I was at the good ugly. What is so wrong with being emotional, or letting yourself being vulnerable in front of others? Sometimes I hate that my heart is so visibly bleeding on my sleeve, but what can you do? Always have a stash of kleenex nearby that's what....

How many cows are you worth???

2006-11-08T15:00:00.000-05:00

At lunch today I sat with my new Sudanese friend, Pastor James. I was asking him how he met his wife, which led into how different tribes bring two people together to get married. The Dinka Tribe story is the best:

First of all, the idea of love being a factor means nothing. If a Dinka man fancies a girl, his family and the girl's family starts negotiating. The guy’s family will offer the number of cows according to the strength of her attributes.

You might be wondering what a quality Dinka woman looks like. Well, according to James she is:

a. Very tall. A woman who is at least 5’9 or taller (He said my height of 5’7 could bring in about 175 – 200 cows)

b. Frankly, she needs to be a big girl. Big strong woman are considered quality because they will most likely survive the angst of bearing ten kiddoes and hacking it out in the bush. It’s all about the big strong girls – they rule in the Dinka Tribe!

c. This is the one I liked the most: The way a woman carries herself is important. The men watch the way she walks; if she is confidant in herself this is huge!!!

So just to sum it up: Tall, Strong, and Confidant, these chics will rake in a lot of cows and get hitched first.

Pastor James

2006-11-07T09:49:00.000-05:00

I've been busy the last few weeks because my organizations main contact from Sudan, Pastor James is in town. I think James is going to start calling me the weeping missionary, because his stories make me cry. Mostly - because I feel so bad that in our country the things we should treasure most we take for granted.

One story I will share about his life. In 1988, Northern troops surrounded the largest city in the S. Sudan, Juba, and were basically starving the people to death. Weeks went by and children were starting to die, every day more holes were dug for bodies. Instead of despairing, James and his friends would sit together and remember how faithful God is and His provision. Every day they would thank God for His love that endures forever. It is something that is more valuable than food, more precious than our momentary lives. The life of Jesus, the life He extends to each and every one of us.

James words to us in our devotion this morning: "There is nothing greater in this life than serving our Lord. There is nothing greater in this life than serving others. If we impact one person while we are here on this earth, all the hardship is worth it."

Community: Just Do It

2006-11-05T16:25:00.000-05:00

Saturday afternoon: Went over to Abby's house and helped her crew pack lunches and cook soup for the homeless to give out that night. There was alot of laughter, apple cider, and Sufjian's Steven's album Illinois involved. There was some tears shed because the onions and garlic we cut, were pretty stinking strong.

Saturday evening: Omo's curried chicken, Jen's cooked veggies, Jadine's special banana and chocolate chip bread plus fun people sitting around talking and sharing stories. More laughter and silliness ensued.

Last night reminded me of getting together with friends in Houston. Breaking bread together, singing together, praying for each other. This is the way life was meant to be lived.

Believers and Admirers

2006-11-01T17:19:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of Kierkegaard and Jason Upton

john 14:6) "Christ claimed to be the way, the Truth, and the life. For this reason, he could never be satisfied with adherents who accepted his teaching- especially with those who in their lives ignored it...His whole life on earth from beginning to end was destined to have followers and to make admirers impossible." -soren kierkegaard

Jesus- help us follow you and not just admire you. Admiring you requires little attention to you, and almost no personal sacrifice. Following you requires my total attention and my whole life. I want to follow you more than I believe in you. Believing you has not made me follow you as much as following you has made me a believe you and trust you. . Jason.

Ciani

2006-11-01T10:35:00.000-05:00

My Ciani as a princess.

D - Day

2006-11-01T08:57:00.000-05:00

My friend Ashley posted about the closing of Diedrichs, which is Monday. November 6, D-Day. I will have to go see the brutal takeover for myself in December. My friend Joe sent me another article about the closure, which cleared some things up for me. I posted it below.

Coffeehouse closing upsets customers / Landlord elects not to lease site to Diedrich franchiseBy TARA WHITE, Houston Chronicle Correspondent

Jeff Grant is furious that Diedrich Winlow Coffeehouse, 1901 Westheimer, is scheduled to close Nov. 6 after conducting business in that location for 10 years.

Grant, a loyal customer, has contacted everyone in his e-mail address book and has stood in front of the coffeehouse almost every day for weeks to protest its closure.

The property owner hired a 24-hour security guard and police were called because of his presence, but he is not budging.

Grant is not the only person upset about the closure of Diedrich, which serves about 3,500 customers each week. Hundreds have signed petitions to keep it from closing.
Dirk Smith, owner of the coffeehouse and president of Magna Cum Latte Inc., the Diedrich Coffee franchise in Houston, said his customers are upset because they know the business is being forced to close.

Smith said it is closing because T-Con Properties chose not to lease the property to him.
Said Bradford Schmalfuss, vice president of T-Con Properties and landlord for the space, "We have the right to lease with anyone we want to."

Schmalfuss also said T-Con had no obligation to lease to Smith because the company's original lease was with Diedrich Coffee's corporate office, which chose not to renew.

The property will be leased to The Upper Hand Salon, which is located at 1905 Westheimer next to the coffeehouse. The lease becomes effective on Nov. 7.
Rachael Gower, who owns the salon with her husband, Brian Williard, said they plan to use the space to expand their salon operations.

Smith said he does not understand T-Con's decision.
"Our coffeehouse has brought thousands of people to the Winlow Center," Smith said. "I have never paid the rent late. Bradford told me on several occasions I was the best tenant he had."
A letter dated May 11, addressed to Schmalfuss from Diedrich Coffee's corporate office, confirms that Diedrich Coffee did not plan to renew the lease. But it states that corporate officials asked Smith to negotiate a direct lease with Schmalfuss.

E-mail correspondences between Schmalfuss and Smith indicate that Smith and Schmalfuss agreed to move forward with the lease.
Schmalfuss sent Smith a draft of the lease agreement by e-mail in late May for Smith and his lawyer to review.
Negotiations moved forward until June 9, when Schmalfuss sent Smith an e-mail stating that T-Con would not proceed with lease discussions because it planned "to take the center in a different direction."
Smith said he was shocked by the e-mail, as he had returned only a day earlier to his home in California after a special trip to Houston.
Schmalfuss requested the trip because he wanted Smith to discuss parking issues with the Upper Hand Salon.
"I jumped through hoops for him to make sure everything was going smoothly," Smith said. "I don't know what happened in those 11 hours to completely change his decision."
Gower said some have blamed the Upper Hand Salon for the closure of Diedrich Winlow Coffeehouse.

"We absolutely did not push anyone out," she said. "As small business owners we would never do that because we know how hard it is."

Smith plans to fight T-Con's decision until the day Diedrich closes, but he is also looking for a new location and wants to find a temporary space from which his employees could work.
He said employees also have the option to move to the two other Diedrich Coffeehouse locations in Houston, at 4005 Montrose Blvd. and 1008 Bay Area Blvd.

Grant said he will continue to do everything he can to keep the coffeehouse open.
"People have business meetings here. College students come here to study. Parents feel this is a safe place for their children to hang out after school," Grant said "I am going to keep speaking out because I know people love this place."

Do you really need one more red flag: Christians in the Horn

2006-10-31T09:32:00.000-05:00

While everyone is screaming over Iraq, another huge conflict exists in the Horn of Africa. I will attach a link here if you don't know much about it. (The Economist article)

Long story short: Somalia has a new bully in town, and they are called the Union of Islamic Courts. They are a militant Islamic group that steadily gained support and took over at breath taking speed beginning in the capital of Mogadishu. This has culiminated in thousands fleeing from the group, including Christians who have taken refuge in camps on the border of Kenya and Ethiopia (mostly Kenya).

Ethiopia, threatened by the UIC moving closer and closer to their border has risen to help the rag tag "transitional" Somali government. The UIC has now declared Holy War on Ethiopia. Eritrea, a long time enemy of Ethiopia is giving arms to Somalia. There have been reports of ERitrean troops moving to the border. This could engulf the whole Horn.

Unfortuanety this is affecting many Christians on the border of Somalia, and elsewhere in Nairobi and Addis where Muslims are rising up against Christians. There has been a surge of violence against Christians in the Oromo region of Ethiopia and to the East as well. An Ethiopian pastor has been corresponding with me and just sent me pictures of a massacre that took place a month ago. I will spare you the pictures, because they are really disturbing. But truely. Pray for Ethiopia and for Christians in the Horn becuase this is a difficult hour and many are suffering for the sake of the gospel.

Old monuments, old Bibles, old battlefields

2006-10-29T17:26:00.000-05:00

This weekend i took my mom on a whirlwind of historical sites here in our nations capital. It was a marathon really: old monuments, old Bibles, old Battlefields. The blue sky this morning in Pennsylvania was a stark contrast to the hues of reds and yellow we gazed at on the skyline. In the sunlight the trees glow here. My pictures are a poor represenation of the real thing...

Fire in Southern California

2006-10-27T08:10:00.000-04:00

My aunt lost her home yesterday in this fire in California. Pray for those that lost loved ones, or their homes and are having to start over...

October 27, 2006
4 Firefighters Killed by Blaze in California
By RANDAL C. ARCHIBOLD and JENNIFER STEINHAUER

BEAUMONT, Calif., Oct. 26 — Four firefighters were killed on Thursday and one was seriously injured when an arson fire ripped through a hilly patch of Southern California, destroying thousands of acres and forcing hundreds of residents to evacuate their homes.
By Thursday night, the fire was still uncontained and, buoyed by strong and gusting winds, rolling west along the thick desert terrain.

Officials said the fire, which began about 1 a.m. Thursday just northwest of Palm Springs, was deliberately set but did not give details. Carried by 25 mile an hour winds, it spread throughout craggy, mostly unincorporated areas in Riverside County, where residents began to evacuate in the dark of night.

The flames quickly encountered the Santa Ana winds, which are common this time of year, and streaked through the parched vegetation, igniting ranch homes, some of which burned to their foundations, and scorching at least 24,000 acres, including 10,000 acres in just four to five hours.

By midday Thursday, a long and wide churning curtain of orange-beige smoke cloaked a wide strip of desert, and the smell of smoke lingered as far west as downtown Los Angeles, 90 miles away.

Officials painted a horrific scene in Cabazon, where five firefighters were working to protect a home and found their truck suddenly engulfed in flames when the wind shifted.
Three firefighters died at the scene, and one died hours later at the hospital. A fifth was in critical condition Thursday night. The names of the firefighters, members of the United States Forest Service, were not released.

It was the worst loss of life among firefighters in Riverside County in over 50 years.
Officials said they would offer $100,000 to any informant who led them to an arrest of the arsonist.

“A deliberately set arson fire that leads to the death of anyone constitutes murder,” Chief John Hawkins of the Riverside County Fire Division of the California Department of Forestry said.
Residents of Twin Pines, an area near the origin of the fire, awoke in the middle of the night to the strong odor of smoke and an orange glow over the top of the mountains. By 3 a.m. emergency workers were ordering them out, and they hustled to collect clothes, family photos, insurance papers and pets.

“Does anybody know anything about Wonderview?” Lilly Arroyo, 77, called out through tears at an evacuation center at the Banning Community Center, near Cabazon.

A dozen neighbors huddled around a television hoping for a glimpse of their homes from news coverage, but shook their heads, “No.”
Her cockatiel, Toots, died, Ms. Arroyo said, as she sped from her trailer home in the path of a wall of flames. Officials said roughly 700 people had fled their homes.
Chief Hawkins said that 11 structures had been destroyed but that he did not have details of what they were. The chief said at a news conference last night that the fire was 5 percent contained. “That may not sound like a lot,” he said, “but it truly is.”

The rocky terrain and lack of open roads made it hard for emergency workers to get water to the fire-fighting sites; 400 people in recreational vehicles on a mountain near the fire’s center were told to stay put, protected by firefighters, so as not to clog the only open road to the area. Fire officials said winds hampered efforts to drop water and fire retardant.
“Dry, windy weather can push a fire like this to grow very quickly,” said Patrick Chandler, a spokesman for the Riverside County Fire Department. ”

Dennis Watkins, 54, just finished building his “dream home” in May and, following the authorities’ precautions against wildfires, had cleared away much of the brush and trees near the house. On Thursday he asked neighbors at the community center if they had heard anything and waited for definitive word.

Some residents snaked their way up a one-lane road out of town; using a leash, one farmer pulled his lama alongside his truck.

With 1,000 firefighters already at work and 2,000 more coming, officials worried that the fire could reach an area of the San Bernardino National Forest where a bark beetle infestation had killed trees that could easily fuel a blaze.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said the state “will put the full force of the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection behind fighting this fire and will reach out to evacuees to see what can be done in their time of need.”

The governor also declared a state of emergency in Riverside County.
Wildfires in California’s national forests are common this time of year. Almost exactly three years ago, fires killed 17 people and burned more than 376,000 acres and 2,600 homes across San Diego County.

Complain productively

2006-10-26T13:39:00.000-04:00

Courtesy of a very rational thinker

Crossroads

2006-10-22T16:47:00.000-04:00

This morning I went to The Falls Church to hear the head of International Justice Mission speak. His sermon was called: When God's Will is Scary. This was exactly the word i needed to hear this weekend.

Basically, he proposed a question: Do you want to be brave, or do you want to be safe in this life? A good question, and a question I think we are all challenged with in our few precious moments on the earth.

This can mean so many things to people. Do you want to settle in that relationship, because right now there is nothing better? Do you want to pursue that dream even though it may be costly? Do you want to travel 1500 miles across the country? Are you prepared to travel to the other side of the globe? What if you are called foolish? What if it isn't working out exactly as you anticipated?

There is a risk to following Jesus. It is high and it may cost you your life. In fact, He will most definitely ask you for all of it. Don't worry, if you haven't been asked yet, He will at some point in this journey.

I feel like I am at a crossroads in my journey, and I have been asking these questions, during the in between times... in the morning with my coffee in my car, or on the subway... Wanting a safer option, a safer route, one that is more predictable.

Jesus is not the safer option. In the Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe, Lucy sees Aslan, and she asks, "Is He safe?". The response from her companion, "Safe? Who said anything about safe? Of course He's not safe. But He is good. He is the King I tell you..."

Flags of our Fathers

2006-10-20T11:11:00.000-04:00

My mom and I are planning to go see the movie, Flags of our Fathers when she comes into town next week. It's a special movie for me because my grandfather fought in the Pacific. He served on Tinian Island where Little Boy and Fat Man were held until the bombings. My grandad was a very meticulous man when it came to his job, keeping the airplanes in excellent condition. He never would really share with us about the atomic bomb and being so close to all that, but he did have some amazing stories about the war.

He served a number of years in Enid, Oklahoma at Vance AFB after the war and knew these two guys written about below who fought in Iwo Jima.

Film brings back Iwo Jima memories

By Jeff MullinSenior WriterOn Feb. 23, 1945, a group of U.S. Marines climbed to the top of Mount Suribachi, a volcanic hill nearly 600 feet high on a small Pacific island called Iwo Jima.The Marines encountered little or no resistance, in stark contrast to the brutal fighting that had been taking place on the island since the Marines invaded some five days prior. The flag-raising spawned a book by James Bradley, “Flags of Our Fathers.” That book has been made into a movie, of the same name, directed by Clint Eastwood. The film opens nationally today and can be seen in Enid at Dickinson Theatres’ Oakwood 8. Among the many men on hand the day the flag went up on Mount Suribachi were several from the Enid area.

Here are three of their stories:

Jim Goodrich

Goodrich was an 18-year-old corporal that day, a member of the 5th Marine Division, 27th Regiment.The Garber native joined the Marines when he was 16 and already was a veteran of the bloody battles at Guadalcanal and Tarawa.“I was considered an old veteran,” he said.He was in the first wave of Marines to hit the beach at Iwo Jima Feb. 19, 1945. He was a machine-gunner.Goodrich and his unit fought their way across Iwo Jima. It was brutal fighting, with the Japanese firmly entrenched in caves and foxholes, fighting to the death to retain control of the island.“The other two battles I was in, I thought were pretty intense,” Goodrich said. “But (on Iwo Jima) I never saw so many mangled bodies in all my life. The artillery was just something else.”On Feb. 23, 1945, a member of Goodrich’s machine gun squad said, “Something’s going on on Suribachi.”“I had binoculars because I was the crew leader, so I looked up there, and there it was, they had raised the little flag,” Goodrich said. “Then they took it down, and I said, ‘It didn’t stay up there long,’ but it was very hard to see. After while, I don’t know how long it was, they said, ‘Hey, there’s a bigger flag going up.’ That was the one Rosenthal got his picture of.”When the bigger flag went up, Goodrich said, “Ships out in the bay, I could hear them tooting their horns. I thought I could hear men hollering, even. Everyone was glad to see it up. It was a real morale booster to us.”Goodrich’s stay on Iwo Jima ended 15 days later when an enemy machine gun round passed through a letter from a pen pal he had stuck in his shirt pocket and entered his intestines. He lost three and a half feet of his intestines in surgery performed in a tent on an Iwo Jima beach. Of the 250 men in Goodrich’s unit who hit the beach at Iwo Jima, only 22 walked off the island.“And I wasn’t one of them,” said Goodrich, who still has a framed copy of the letter that bears the bullet hole.Today Goodrich lives in Enid with his wife, Peggy. The couple plans to see “Flags of Our Fathers,” once with their grandson, himself a former Marine, and twice with friends.“We’re going to see it until we’re probably sick of it,” said Peggy, laughing.

Cass Montgomery

The 1940 Enid High graduate was a radarman on the Navy destroyer USS McCall on Feb. 19, 1945, when the Marines began going ashore.“The first report we got back from Iwo Jima from the Marines was, ‘There’s nothing going on, we’re just advancing right up the island.’ The next report was, ‘Help,’ they were surrounded. And from there on it got worse and worse.”The McCall was doing patrol duty around the island. During the day the ship pounded Japanese positions with its five-inch guns, and at night it would light up Iwo Jima with incandescent star shells.“We never let the island go dark,” he said. “Every one minute we’d put a shell out and kept the island lit every night.”The McCall earned the nickname “Lucky McCall,” since it was never hit by enemy fire. During the battle for Iwo Jima, however, a destroyer sitting near the McCall was hit by a Japanese mortar and a number of men were hurt. Montgomery was part of a team dispatched to help the injured sailors.Reading about the incident this week in the log book he kept during the war, “Almost makes you cry,” he said. “I’d never seen a captain of a ship cry, but when he buried those guys at sea he stood there and cried.”On Feb. 23, 1945, the McCall was stationed about 1,000 yards off the beach at Iwo Jima.“I was standing on the bridge of the ship,” said Montgomery. “We had binoculars watching and I looked up and said, ‘Hey, there’s a flag on top of Hot Rocks (the sailors’ nickname for Mount Suribachi).’”After the war Montgomery worked at Vance Air Force Base for more than 40 years, retiring in 1985. He continued his lifelong love of aviation and today, at almost 85, still owns his own airplane.During a trip to a reunion of Iwo Jima survivors, Montgomery and his wife, Louise, met “Flags of Our Fathers” author Bradley, whose father, John, was one of the men raising the large flag on Mount Suribachi. They say they’re not sure whether or not they’ll see the film.“He told us at that time they were thinking of making a movie of the book,” said Louise.

Nice suprise

2006-10-20T08:53:00.000-04:00

My friend "Spearsie" came into town this week and so we had some Tai food in Silver Spring and back to my house to watch Grey's Anatomy. Grey's Anatomy and old friends are a good combo... I forget how funny Spearsie is and how good it is to laugh with her. She made my week.

Momma D and the anklebiters

2006-10-19T08:54:00.000-04:00

The picture to the left is of me and my mom when i was just a young thing. My mom likes the little ones and she has been teaching again. Her email made me smile this morning...

I subbed for that same lady in first grade that I had subbed for all those weeks because she had to go to a funeral. The kids had made me a bag with all their little handprints on it plus they had written notes of appreciation. They are such sweet children. If I would have known that children this age are as sweet as they are, I think I would have chosen to teach this age group all those years. They all had to give me hugs when I went out to the playground to pick them up this morning and then they all said how much they had missed me and I told them how much I had missed them too which was true. I hope I said positive words into their lives because I can remember how much my first teachers meant to me and how important it is to start your school years on a positive note. I just hope I never was a teacher that caused a child to dislike school or said hurtful words to them. Anyway, guess I had better get going this evening. Love and prayers, Mom

Can Diedrichs be saved? The saga continues

2006-10-16T13:55:00.000-04:00

My friend Joe sent this to me in the mail, a letter obviously not written by him because he would not have mispelled the name of the place in dire need of being saved.

So here's the story folks: My beloved coffee shop from home could possibly be taken over by an unoriginal beauty salon where women pay entirely too much money to get their hair cut.

If you are a Diedrichs (on Hazard and Westheimer) fan like me, who lived there during school, or shared a significant moment of community there please email or write a letter to the addys below. Heck - if you care anything about community and have your own Diedrichs in whatever neck of the woods you lay claim to, please write an email or a letter.

And thanks for your support.

People who own the property: T-Con Properties LTD/2701 Kipling St./ Houston 77098-1214. Their phone number is 713-626-8888

The Upper Hand (Unoriginal, imperialist hair salon): 1905 Westheimer, Houston 77098 Phone No: 713-520-0772 (theupperhand.com) They also have a location at: 11805 Westeimer #390, Phone No. 281-497-8280

Other Emails: If sending emails to houston chronicle, houston press, or khou, for best response identify yourself.

Houston Chronicle: howard.decker@chron.com

frankmiller@chron.com

Houston Press: letters@houstonpress.com

H Town news channel: assignments@khou.com

Knitting machine

2006-10-16T09:27:00.000-04:00

Someday I will be able to knit like this:

The Last Knit

One step at a time

2006-10-13T08:46:00.000-04:00

Words from a new book I am reading called Ruthless Trust, by Brennan Manning...

"The words of the fifteenth - century theologian Angelus Silesius, 'If God stopped thinking of me, he would cease to exist,' are thoroughly orthodox. Silesius merely paraphrases the message of Jesus: 'Can you buy five sparrows for two pennies? And yet not one is forgotten in God's sight. Why, every hair on your head has been counted. There is no need to be afraid; you are worth more than hundreds of sparrows." (Luke 12:6-7).

We can feel forgotten, but He is always mindful of us. Lately I have felt uncertain about alot of things. I want clarity, direction, a life compass that I can hold in my hand and point me down the right path. Yet as I have been reading B. Manning's book perhaps that is something I need to let go of and what I really need to do is trust that each step He sees and He knows. He loves me too much to take His eyes off me. He is mindful always... He never forgets.

You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness. - ps 18

Can you feel the zoom?

2006-10-12T15:19:00.000-04:00

At work today...

Kelly: Man, this month, it has just zoomed on by, can you feel it?

Jeremy: Pauses and thinks. Yes. I can feel the zoom. Jen can you feel the zoom?

Jen: LOL - I can indeed feel the zoom.

The Black Cat

2006-10-10T08:38:00.000-04:00

Last night my friends Rachel, Abby, and I went to a concert at the Black Cat.

There we heard the vocal stylings of Rosie Thomas and Damien Jurado. What an evening of music. Rosie was cool because she had an alter ego onstage, but somehow she managed to be very genuine up there, and she had a voice.

I liked Damien for different reasons, namely the cello accompaniment. Beautiful.

Saddest news ever: Deidrichs may close

2006-10-09T08:46:00.000-04:00

My coffee shoppe from back home, Deidrichs may be closing as early as November 6th. Two friends of mine, confirmed the rumor.

Where am I going to get coffee when I go home??? Starbucks?

I am just so sad today.

Highlights

2006-10-04T08:38:00.000-04:00

Listening to: Fernando Ortega

Good things happened yesterday:

1. I balanced our teams finances from our trip to Morocco and Egypt. I was two dollars off!!!

2. I drove my friend Jeremy to the metro after work and we had a great conversation about church. Jeremy is very wise for his years.

3. I met two new girls last night at a small group that I liked immediately. I haven't been to a small group in a long time, and really enjoyed it.

4. On the way home on the train last night, three guys came on and sang some good old fashioned gospel. The twenty five minute ride flew by.

The nameless

2006-10-03T08:58:00.000-04:00

One of my contacts in Sudan is a pastor who travels through the South, and now the West to minister to his people. His name is James.

During the Civil War, he had been separated from his mother, in fact he did not know where she was for almost twenty years. Not too long ago, James discovered that his mother was in a refugee camp on the border. He desperately wanted to take her out of there, but she refused. She had been taking care of children in the camp, whose parents had died. "Who will take care of them if i leave??" she asked James, "this is where I belong."

I know it is in our nature to desire to be great, that our life would be important, or meaningful. We all want that, in some capacity, whether we recognize it or not. I know in the city I am living in, people are striving to be important or successful in their own eyes, and in the eyes of others. To make a name for themselves.

And then there are the nameless, faceless human beings in this world, who will never be recognized by the world, but whose lives are truely significant, because they embody the love of Jesus Christ, and have taken on His name, have taken on His humility. Their glory transcends all that is ephemeral in this world. They are a beautiful sight to behold.

I think on the other side of eternity, we will be surpised at who was considered great.

Waking up is so hard to do

2006-10-02T11:54:00.000-04:00

I have a hard time waking up in the morning.

In my 29 years of living, this has never really changed for me. I remember when I was all of seven or eight years old and my mom would have to yank the sheets off of me, because it was so dang hard to wake up.

So, this morning I woke up with the alarm in my hand. I don't remember hitting the alarm button over again, maybe because the alarm was in my hand :) I had scheduled it for 6 am, and ended up waking up at 7:45. My snooze alarm rings every five minutes. Do you know how many snooze alarms that is???

I sleep on a loft, so, it is really warm and cozy up near the ceiling of my room. I am so snug by the time i wake up, that it is chinese water torture to walk down and face my cold wood floors.

Those wood floors!!! Sigh... I can't imagine what this is going to be like in a month or two when it gets colder.

My grandma is on the internet

2006-10-01T20:00:00.000-04:00

My grandma is becoming internet savy, I'm so proud of her. My goal is to get her started on her own blog.

"Jen, the internet is such a time taker... and a time waster..."

Oh yeah grandma, it's definitely both...

It's a desert out there

2006-09-28T09:38:00.000-04:00

Listening to: Brenda Fassie, "Vul'indela"

One of the men i met told me God brought a verse to his mind a year ago, when he approached a border and the customs officer searches his stuff and found copies of the New Testament.

To his shock, all the officers wanted a copy to read.

The verse is in Amos 8: "The days are coming," declares the Sovereign LORD, "when I will send a famine through the land— not a famine of food or a thirst for water, but a famine of hearing the words of the LORD. Men will stagger from sea to sea and wander from north to east, searching for the word of the LORD, but they will not find it. "

Man. The Word of God is life. Whether we are in a dry and weary land, or in a place of abundance.

I was mostly amazed at how God pursues people, all over the world where it is not so easy to hear the message of Christ. It makes me love Him that much more...

The art of being awkward on a press interview

2006-09-27T14:30:00.000-04:00

This week I gave two interviews to press about two different issues in Africa.

A disclaimer: These are the first two interviews i have ever given to the press. I didn't enjoy it at all. I could hear myself talking and I am thinking to myself "Jen, you sound ridiculous. Jen why did they hand you the phone. Jen!!! Why aren't you still on the otherside of the ocean with your north african peeps?" I think i was repeating myself alot, because I was nervous. In the second interview the guy asked me a question about oil in sudan that was an incredibly complicated question that was difficult to lay out an "A B C" answer. So you know what i said? Yeah, "well, that is an incredibly complicated question, with no easy answer." But i did answer his question to the best of my knowledge and ridiculously limited experience. If someone has tips on how to give a poised interview please let me know.

I knew this would be apart of my job, but i feel a heightened sense of self consciousness about my words. When i gave this interview today, it was like putting on a pair of jeans that are too tight. You try to zip them up, and you are like, "Not a chance man, this is uber uncomfortable."

As the last few months have unfolded, I have to say that being in D.C. is exciting and i have enjoyed the ride so far, but my real passion is still connecting and building relationships with people from other nations. that is what i am really good at. i enjoy it and feel incredibly fulfilled by it.

interviews to the press may be the cup of tea for some, but if it was up to me, i would much rather be talking to the girl who is struggling with telling her Muslim family she just became a believer. I feel at home talking to her.

Hassan II Mosque

2006-09-25T17:02:00.000-04:00

One of the more interesting days of my trip: Visiting the Hassan II Mosque

The Hassan II Mosque was designed by the French architect Michel Pinceau and is the second largest in the world (after the Masjid al-Haram in Mecca). It is sited on a promontory looking out to the Atlantic, which can be seen through a gigantic glass floor with room for 25,000 worshippers. A further 80,000 can be accommodated in the mosque's courtyard. Its minaret is also the world's tallest at 210 meters.

The day we went to the mosque it was Friday, and we arrived just in time for mid day prayer.

I like the idea of coming together to pray in the middle of the day, with friends and family.

I'm thinking of getting my own prayer rug.

In light of my latest pilgrimage

2006-09-24T17:52:00.000-04:00

These words make me happy. We live in a great nation.

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Jen's excellent adventure

2006-09-18T12:18:00.000-04:00

So i am still in N. Africa, Egypt to be exact. Can't say much about specifics yet about the trip thus far, but here are six interesting highlights:

1. At JFK airport, my team was sitting waiting for our flight, and the former President of Iran came blazing through with alot of bodyguards and police. It was like witnessing a celebrity citing. I kind of freaked out.

2. On the flight to Casablanca, i found three seats that were empty and was excited because of the thought of getting a chance to sleep. The guy on the otherside of the aisle however decided to interrupt my plans and sit next to me for dinner. He said he was a "homeboy" from Morocco and there was something about my eyes. I told him thank you for the company but i really needed to rest. He went to the back of the airplane to buy me a gift. I came away with a french manicure set.

3. In Morocco, i learned more french than Arabic. I like how people say my name in french. it's different, definitely not the same old jennifer in america. it has inspired me to learn french.

4. I went into the largest mosque in the world outside of Mecca. For real man. It was amazing. the mosque is estimated to cost around 3 billion dollars and is just outside casablanca. it is built on the water, based on the islamic scripture that says the throne of Allah resides on the water. We went on a friday, when everyone went to pray. I wanted to take more pictures but the police got a little irritated with me (he was afraid of someone getting really upset with me, even though i was far away). I could write a book on this experience but will save to later.

5. There is a shortage of women of my faith in morocco and egypt. this has led to many interesting encounters here. definitely more later on this.

6. The call to prayer here wakes me up early, early in the morning. some people have told me that it gives them chills. for me, something inside just cries out for truth in this land. That this land would hunger and thirst for truth.

Destination North Africa

2006-09-12T08:10:00.000-04:00

I leave for North Africa today.

If any of you are the praying type, remember me.

The older you get

2006-09-11T21:38:00.000-04:00

I just got off the phone with my mom.

The older I get, the more I see how important family is to me. The older I get I see how much my mom means to me.

Sandra Joanne. Lover of her children, her husband. Teacher of all ages, trivia extradoinare, future Jeopardy grand prize winner! History enthusiast. Athelete. Competetive! Capable of anything. If she had ten more lives she could be professor, archeologist, astronaut. model.

Knock out on the outside, but especially on those insides. She's a keeper.

Beauty from ashes

2006-09-10T14:12:00.000-04:00

One of my dearest friends, Deborah sent my church family this email five years ago on September 11.

I am on-call at the hospital tonight--but wanted to share something with all of you. LAST TUESDAY, the Lord put the following prayer on my heart--The image was strange to me at the time--but, thankfully, I wrote it down in my journal and have been praying it over and over today in light of all of the tragedy... I am praying that this would be the testimony of all of those involved in this terrible thing... Confident in the God that brings beauty from ashes,
Deborah

O Lord, how you come rescue us!
Digging us our from the things that have collapsed upon us-
The things that we lie buried in--
and that threaten to suffocate us
O Lord, you dig us out from the rubble--
From the ruins of the building that we once thought strong
When we are trapped and helpless--
Smothered-
You save us
You run to us
And dig passionately and furiously
To free us from the things
that threaten to deprive us our very breath
Praise you Jesus
I am free
I can breathe
The rubble which laid so heavy upon my chest has been lifted.
O Lord, my Deliverer.

Early mornings

2006-09-08T08:42:00.000-04:00

Listening to: "You are the one" - Keith Green, remixed by J. Upton

I love the mornings sometimes, especially when i can be still and listen. The theme of this year for me is Back to Basics. I am learning a gratefulness for the cross and the resurrection in a way that i had never experienced before. It is changing my life.

This morning I read out of my d. bonhoeffer devo, "A Morning Blessing"

But early on Easter morning Christ emerged victorious from the grave. "Ere yet the dawn has filled the skies/Behold my Savior Christ arise,/He chases from us sin and night,/And brings us joy and life and light. Halleluia."

So sang the church of the Reformation. Christ is the "Sun of Righteousness," who has risen upon the expectant congregation (Mal 4:2) and they who love him will be like the sun when it rises in its strength (Judges 5:31). The early morning belongs to the church of the risen Christ. At the break of light it remembers the morning on which death, the devil, and sin were brought low in defeat, and new life and salvation were given to human beings.

Amen and Amen

Some just call it Houston...I like to call it home

2006-09-05T21:01:00.000-04:00

This weekend was perfect. Beautiful weather and spending time with my family in Houston...

There were long walks in my old neighborhood.

I got to hang out with ciani, a little girl from my church who i love like she was my own:

Ciani shows off her room

There was coffee with old friends

And I ran into friends with really cute babies...

And friends who make me laugh!!!

I spent nearly seven years in Houston Texas. I moved six times, and I lived with five different people. I even had a garage apt. to myself once which i really miss sometimes.

Oh yeah - don't let this sappy talk of mine mislead you. I hated it at first. I mean HATED with a passion, HATED Houston. I wanted to run away from this place, not to mention all the junk that was slowly being rooted out of my life. Now i feel like it's the only home I have in this world, even though i'm not living there anymore. And because I stayed, I made friends with some of the truest people i have ever had the privelage of knowing.

So here's to H Town..... it is way over it's quota for amazing people.

I'm in Houston!!!!

2006-09-02T08:52:00.000-04:00

I'm lovin' it!!!

More to come...

I gotsum squash

2006-08-31T20:51:00.000-04:00

It may not be a big deal to all you good people, but i am loving the whole process: watching the seeds i planted in june grow up to be grown up plants... and they aren't dead yet - AND in fact I am seeing some real deal veggies in my garden now!

Keep it simple

2006-08-30T08:11:00.000-04:00

My dad in conversation would at times use that military saying: K.I.S.S. : Keep it simple stupid. I was thinking of that this morning, when i was reading my D. Bonhoeffer devotional:

It is not Christ who has to justify himself before the world by acknowledging the values of justice, truth, and freedom. Instead, it is these values that find themselves in need of justification, and their justification is Jesus Christ alone. It is not a "Christian culture" that still has to make the name of Jesus Christ acceptable to the world; instead, the crucified Christ has become the refuge, justification, protection, and claim for these highter values and their defenders who have been made to suffer. It is with Christ, persecuted and suffering together with his church-community, that justice, truth, humanity, and freedom seek refuge. It is the Christ who is unable to find shelter in the world, who is the sheter to whom one flees for protection; only thus is the full breadth of Christ's power revealed.

I am not in the habit of listening to classical music, but the last two days, I have been listening to Handel's Messiah. Get this: Handel wrote it in 24 days!! Can you imagine?

I have two favorite sections: One, the chorus section named, "Lift up your heads", where the chorus is singing the Psalm, "Lift up you gates, so the King of Glory can come in. Who is the King of Glory? He is the Lord of Hosts!!!"

The second is a movement entitled "For unto us a child is born", singing the scripture of Isaiah: "Unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given. And the Government shall be upon His shoulders. And His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Almighty God, the Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."

You may wonder why I am linking Bonhoeffer and Handel together this morning. I think in these two artistic expressions, I loved the simplicity of resting all focus on Jesus Himself. In our world, where self help books, the likes of "Your best life now", busy schedules, the worries of the world, our search for Him through intellectualism, trying to understand the innerworking of ourselves and everything else.... All of the mess that we fill our lives with.... That perhaps for a moment I would not focus on how He has blessed us, or how He has not blessed us...

But simply that He is. And He is worthy.

Bread inspires me

2006-08-28T16:37:00.000-04:00

Ode to Bread

Sourdough, Buttermilk, and more
You are the food group of which I exalt and adore
If only your carb grams equated to three grams or four

I would not be eating cow meat in your stead...

Adkins instructs sadly that I cannot eat you
He says the hardest is the first week or two
But I’m thinking one more day and I’m through

I need another serving of red meat like I need a hole in my head…

Six degrees of separation

2006-08-28T14:00:00.000-04:00

My world on the internet (via this blog) feels at times a parallel universe from my real time world, but it seems that they do collide. i am suprised at how many people i know in one circle, in some way, form or fashion, know friends from another circle but for some reason i was completely unaware. Small world.

All you bloggers out there that i have referenced on my site, all you readers and posters out there. Houston friends and beyond. I wish we could all live in a big coldesac and have dinner on a Sunday evening sometime. That would be lovely.

For right now though, my blog will have to do.

Little Miss Sunshine

2006-08-26T20:46:00.000-04:00

Today i went to the movies with new friend Abby (lover of Sufjian Stevens, Russian literature, and Trader Joes) and saw Little Miss Sunshine. Now, let me just add a disclaimer: Bad language is thrown about it in this movie. I don't want people to tell me i led them astray because they were offended by the movie. You've been officially warned.

If you can get over that, i think you will like it, in fact you might be like me and laugh out loud from time to time. It's like Chevy Chase's Vacation meets The Royal Tenenbaums. More than that though, some of the elements in the movie reminded of road trips in the past. Here are my top three most memorable road trips:

1. Trip with Kelli my roomate from college: Drove thru Boston, New Hampshire, Maine, Canada (New Brunswick), and Prince Edward Island. Kel's favorite part of the trip: seeing the house where they filmed Anne of Green Gables. Jen's favorite part: The old cemetaries in Boston. Least favorite part: driving in Boston, i got cussed out the whole time, despite trying to get out of there as fast as i could.

2. Trip with my father from Houston to D.C. this past May: Most memorable part: We broke down in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. My dad was so great about it from start to finish. He was so exhausted after traveling from Phoenix to come get me but didn't complain once. The trip ended with a hug from my dad and him handing over a special gift: a GINORMOUS mace canister that i can hang on my key chain. Love is driving your only daughter 1400 miles in a very sketchy car and hooking her up with a big can of mace.

3. Trip with my friend Tony and his dad to go hiking in the Sangre De Cristo Mountains in Colorado. On that trip I learned why he loves the musical Jesus Christ Superstar, and William Blake, among other things. We had set up camp in Mt. Blanco, and i remember getting out of my tent at about 2 am in the 20 degree weather and gazing up at the sky that was absolutely luminous with stars. Favorite part of the trip: taking naps in my tent and listening to the river below us....

Matt and Christy Rasch and the young'ins

2006-08-24T09:28:00.000-04:00

Tuesday night I drove to Baltimore, because some friends, Matt and Christy were in town to visit parents. They now have three...count'em three ankle biters, one of whom was born just a few months ago. The oldest, Eliza is about four, Sophie is almost two and Josiah, the baby is three months.

Is it not surreal to see your friends' children strongly resemble their parents??? Eliza is her father. I'm not kidding. She is strong, incredibly honest and bold, and really funny. We were eating dinner and Christy complimented me on my hair. "Nuh uh!!" Eliza proclaimed, "i don't like it!."

Sophie reminds me a great deal of Christy. She is charming in a quiet way, and is her own person. She is a cuddler too which i like alot. We watched blues clues together and i got a few seconds of video. All i wanted the kid to say was hi, but you know that was not going to happen.

Sophie Take One

Sophie Take Two

Matt and Christy are now missionaries in Budapest, Hungary. They been an encouragement to me over the years. Matt and I were talking about how we both have changed alot since knowing each other in Houston. How am i different? Holy Cow, let me just count the ways. All that to say people like Matt and Christy were part of the catalyst in my life for those changes, and I'm real glad I know them.

The "S" Word: Do we just live with it, or is it a good place to live???

2006-08-22T09:12:00.000-04:00

The man looked down at me from where I was sitting at the lunch table, or rather he was carefully studying my left ring finger which indeed, has no ring on it. He suggested a huge church in Virginia, where there were a lot of singles. “Uh huh.” I replied. This man just came into our office and descended upon me and my chicken salad and started giving me advice in an indirect way about finding a husband.

Oh and this is not the first time in the last few months a conversation like this has occurred.

I was on the phone at work with a man who does ministry all over the world, and I wanted to partner with him on a project we are working on in North Africa. In our conversation there was mention of travels to North Africa in September. “Are you single??????” he asked, almost in a gasp. “In fact, I am,” I replied. He then asks me how old I am and in his most loving fatherly way mentioned that he will be praying for me.

For goodness gracious sakes.

Well, that’s a good thing, because I am sure that God is totally unaware of this fact and He is now scrambling around heaven trying desperately to figure how to “fix me”. We can all relax, because God has officially now been notified.

I have never written about this subject before on my blog, and don’t get used to it, because I probably will not again. I don’t think I have even written about it privately in great abundance. But it seems to be a hot topic lately, especially when people are talking to me.

So here goes. Singleness: Do we just live with it, or is it a good place to live?

I believe that God knows what He is doing. More than that, I believe He is confident that He is doing a bang up job with things, including how my life is turning out. So, I’m doing my best in not always questioning Him on why He has chosen a different path for me, when the majority of my friends are married and are on their second or dare I say it third kid.

Our nature wants to compare, and I see my friends and I wonder if and when I will get to that stage in life. Maybe never. There is a part of me that considers the idea of never having a family. Yeah, my heart hurts a bit at the thought of not having children, but then I also see all the incredible opportunities I have experienced that would not have happened if I was having to think of someone else.

I spent the first year of this century in Southern China. I have had some of the greatest people around as roommates, and have learned amazing things from each one of them. I have taken more walks with God down Wilton street in Houston than anyone should ever have the privilege of experiencing. When I lived by myself in a small, yellow garage apartment near Rice U, my time with the Lord was so rich, that I couldn’t wait to get off work so I could go home and just hang out. I would never trade those years. Not for all the tea in China or a guy that closely resembles Joaquin Phoenix. Nope, sorry not even for Joaquin Phoenix.

To live is Christ is it not? My life is not my own. My desire is to live in my own skin, in whatever circumstance He sends my way and embody the fullest joy possible. I am definitely not saying I am always successful. I am also not saying that I do not desire marriage, because I certainly do. But I love my life right now, and I do not want to have the perspective of "surviving" the seasons of singleness like it was a disease that someday if I’m real good I will be cured…

Today this is what He has for me, and today it is a good place to live.

The joy of discovering my neglect

2006-08-20T00:19:00.000-04:00

Tonight, my roomate had about 15 of her old college friends come over (in light of a wedding in town) to hang out. We were watching a DVD of some worship that she had from her old church in Cape Town, South Africa where she taught for a year. We watched it and started to sing along. Just watching the crowd, made me cry, just seeing the thousands with their hands out, head to the sky, and tears pouring down. Each soul in a different part of the journey, but with one great thing in common: they longed to be in His presence, above all things, to love Him and be loved by Him.

Later on, I closed my door and listened to my own worship, a woman by the name of Rita Springer, who actually used to lead worship in Houston. She grew up homeless, her parents staying in parks and such.... They recognized her talent though, and somehow nurtured it. Rita is so good because she sings alot about broken people that need God. The rich. The poor. The one that seems to be straight as an arrow, and the wondering son. Whether or not we recognize it, our hearts long for God.

My soul has been so weary lately. i couldn't quite place my finger on it this week, but i understand now.

Why do I neglect my first love, when He is so ready to give all of Himself?? I want to be like David that meditated on Him in the first hours of morning and in the twilight hours before i close my eyes to dream.

Let it be Your face Lord, that I seek.

Today there will be thanksgiving for.....

2006-08-18T09:19:00.000-04:00

1. How cool it was here this morning.

2. I have a roof over my head and food to eat every day.

3. Health Insurance!!!!!!

4. My elderly, lonley Greek neighbor Anthony who leaves me apples on my front porch and helped me weed my garden last Saturday.

4. Roomates that are not crazy.

5. Friends in Texas that are oh so faithful.

6. My kitchen table. It's such a good place to write, and drink coffee, and be.

7. A dad that calls up pretty frequently to see how "the car is running".

8. The World Wide Web. i do not remember what life was like before it

9. The beautiful park down the street from my house.

10. My work involves issues I am passionate about, and I get to write about them.

And God. He doesn't get a number because He's the Alpha AND the Omega. He is good to me.

Screen on the Green and Rocky

2006-08-15T08:42:00.000-04:00

Last night I went to the Screen on the Green with Steve (Mac enthusiast, NCC member, YWAMer) and his friend Joe, Christina, and others. We kicked the soccer ball around untill it got dark and it was time to watch the classic Rocky. The first Rocky is definitely the best of the cannon. It was fun to watch with a thousand other people at the Mall. We all cheered when Rocky gets the girl, when he makes it to the top of those flight of stairs in Philly, and when he knocks out Apollo Creed. Indoor theatres are way overrated.

Some of my favorite Rocky quotes:

1. Rocky: Adrienne!!!!!!!!

2. Rocky: "You've got gaps, I've got gaps, together we fill in the gaps..."

3. Rocky: Yo.

4. Apollo Creed: Stay in school and use your brain. Be a doctor, be a lawyer, carry a leather briefcase. Forget about sports as a profession. Sports make ya grunt and smell. See, be a thinker, not a stinker.

Hoping in the next generation

2006-08-12T22:02:00.000-04:00

This week at work I have been in the midst of taking steps towards taking over our project in Southern Sudan, which is for right now building schools in a neighborhood in Juba. It will ultimately house 600-700 primary age children, ages 5 to 14 years. The school will also provide education for adults as well. Part of learning about the inner workings of the project is understanding the population we are helping. Many of the children we are helping live with the reality of no parents to give them a home, so they turn to the life on the streets of a desolate land. A land where there are no fathers.

Fast forward to this evening when for the first time I watched the movie Black Hawk Down. This film profoundly affected me. There is a scene where one of the Rangers, played by Josh Harnett, is called an idealist by his peers because frankly, he is an idealist, and asks why he doesn't just see his job as a mission and actually see a measure of hope in the situation. He tells them that there is a choice to be made: that we could either go in and help the people or watch a nation destroy themselves on CNN. It is a choice. Albeit a risk.

This week I was overwhelmed, not with my responsiblity but the weight of need in the region I am focused on. There is such great need in Southern Sudan, a place that is literally at ground zero in every respect. So I go back to what the Word says. That we know a God "who gives life to the dead, and calls things that are not, as though they were." The Christian Church is hanging on. One of our pastors visited D.C. just before I came on board and spoke to reps at the State Department and then rounded churches in the area. So many of the pastors have been killed in Civil War. His congregations composed mostly of widows. But still his words resound in my mind and heart, "that he asks God to change Sudan in his generation."

So for these children I pray. That we would know the love of the Father, so that we might love a fatherless generation.

Happy 32nd

2006-08-12T00:56:00.000-04:00

In 1973, a pilot in training named Peter DiMaggio met a young high school teacher named Sandra Shutkesting in Enid, Oklahoma. They decided to hang out one day. And on August 12, 1974, they decided to hang out every day, for as long as they both shall live...

Happy Anniversary. Love, Jen

Two Eight Year Olds = 2700 Pennies and lots of heart

2006-08-10T16:28:00.000-04:00

In our pile of donor letters we got this one today. This letter is one of the best things that's happened to me all week:

August 7th 2006

We asked our friends to go on a big penny hunt so that we could raise money for the suffering wives/children fund. In four weeks we found $27.00. It is from us (Ben and Jacob) and Joey, Sophie, Benny, Garrison, Willie and our moms friend Mrs. Gastin.

In Jesus Name,

Signed Ben and Jacob Almudevar, Age 8 (We're twins)

That's 2700 pennies found under couches, chairs, dad's pockets, and wherever else we found them when we were eight.

Miscellaneous

2006-08-10T09:29:00.000-04:00

a friend sent me this email in regards to my blog last night, which made me laugh out loud in the middle of Panera:

...And why did you let those MAC people get their hands on you? soon you will be given a new spiritual/cult name...in other words, when can I come to your meetings.

no worries i will always go by Jen, even if i do convert...

this week has been a grey week, combined with all the uplifting world news, i need my friend joe or lisa (they are both hysterical) here so i can just laugh.

i will be going to africa soon: sept 12-22. i am real excited about being on the ground but not excited about how we get there. i hate flying. which is unfortunate considering the line of work i have chosen for myself. today i was watching the news and they were reporting that terrorists were planning to carry out another major attack on flights going towards the United States. "That's lovely", i thought to myself. If i go see a movie this weekend, it's definitely not going to be that new flick about 9/11: "World Trade Center".

British Virgin Islands

2006-08-09T11:45:00.000-04:00

My brother Matt is a lucky guy and spent all last week here.

When we discussed the trip, the one thing that stands out in his mind is not the beauty of the island, not how amazing it was to bike and kayak and be one with nature...No, no, no..."It was the roosters Jen." There were roosters EVERYWHERE. He opened up his hotel door, and a rooster was sitting there waiting on the porch. They were coming out of the ocean he says... likely story.

Everyone needs an editor

2006-08-08T07:53:00.000-04:00

In life... and in writing. Including me.

Promises not kept

2006-08-07T17:48:00.000-04:00

Khartoum is cashing in on the oil boom, which is bringing revenue and infrastructure into the capital. Meanwhile the South faces incredible poverty and the demands of rebuilding a nation that is completely devastated from over twenty years of bombing and attacks. It is barely benefiting at all from these monies. One of the stipulations of the CPA was wealth sharing in regards to oil revenue.

An island unto itself
Aug 3rd 2006 KHARTOUM
The Economist

The capital benefits most from an economic boom

The conversations tend to be very different, but very predictable, when Khartoum's bourgeoisie gathers for espressos and croissants at the trendy new Ozone café. Americans and Europeans, mostly aid-workers, swap horror stories about the latest depredations in Darfur, Sudan's war-ravaged western region, or bemoan southern Sudan's “lack of capacity”. At the Sudanese tables, however, Arab men, and often women, josh about their city's brand-new traffic lights, which most still ignore, share information about new government privatisations and greet old friends who have returned to live in the Sudanese capital after years abroad.

Khartoum moves up in the world
Both views of Sudan, Africa's largest country, are valid. It is just that the Western focus on Darfur, where about 2m people are living in refugee camps as the result of a still unresolved war in the region, has obscured another fact about Sudan: the country is booming. With low inflation, GDP growth of 8% in 2005 and 13% projected by the IMF this year, Sudan is one of the fastest-growing economies in Africa. Furthermore, this success has been achieved despite the fact that the country has been subject to American sanctions since 1986, the year that the IMF ended financial assistance to the country.

Oil undoubtedly plays a big part in this boom, accounting for about 80% of the country's exports, but it does not explain all the gains. Indeed, the IMF has given guarded praise to the policies initiated by Sudan's government to liberalise the economy. It is not the kind of attention that the Islamist regime in Khartoum, accused of genocide by America for its actions in Darfur, is accustomed to.

Oil, structural adjustments that began in 1998 and the relative political stability that followed the signing of a peace deal with rebels in the south last year are encouraging foreign investment, particularly from China and the Gulf states. More needs to be done to tackle corruption and eliminate stifling regulations, yet new economic opportunities are enticing thousands of the country's rich and educated diaspora to return. More and more, Sudan's ruling National Congress Party is toning down its hitherto robust Islamist language; the new emphasis is on economic development.

However, it is almost exclusively the Arab heart of the country that is benefiting from the boom. Nearly $3 billion of foreign direct investment has come to Sudan, but well over half of it has gone to the capital and its hinterland. In the past year hotels, telecoms companies, light industries and even a Thai massage parlour have opened in a city that is still nominally ruled by sharia law.

The development that most epitomises Khartoum's new dynamism is Alsunut. Meaning “point of meeting” in Arabic, this behemoth of a residential and office project is now under construction on 65 hectares (160 acres) of land where the Blue and White Niles converge. The $4 billion project, the result of a public-private partnership between the government and DAL Group, Sudan's leading company, will transform the city by adding 63 towers varying between 15 and 35 floors in height. Over half the office space has already been sold to local and foreign companies.

However, for all the new prosperity in Khartoum, evidence of the boom outside the capital is hard to find. Progress towards improving the lot of the majority of poor Sudanese is plodding. For most people, electricity is still rare and most schools still hold classes under trees.

And, crucially, Sudan's improved economic outlook has not had any discernible impact on the mainly Christian and animist south. Hundreds of thousands of displaced southern Sudanese are leaving their refugee camps in the north and returning to what remains one of the poorest areas in Africa. Indeed, the pace of recovery in the south is so slow that some aid agencies report that villagers have started throwing sticks and stones at their passing convoys as a form of protest.

The inequitable distribution of the country's wealth has always been a large factor in stoking rebellions in the south, in Darfur and in the east against the central government in Khartoum. If that remains true of this current boom—which may last only as long as the high price of oil—it will be a huge missed opportunity to reduce some of the inequalities that still threaten to pull the country apart, with disastrous consequences for all Sudanese.

Shenandoah National Park

2006-08-06T20:06:00.000-04:00

This was the most jam packed weekend since my car pulled into D.C. this past May. Sat. morning I went to BOWIE, Maryland to have breakfast with a girl i met at Cedar Ridge. Then back onto the orange line to hang out with some very fun Mac enthusiasts who i think have managed to pull me out of the shameful pit of PCs. The first thing to do is repent and head to an Apple Store.
On to Dulles to pickup Liz who was speaking at a church in middle of nowhere Virginia about her summer in Guatemala where she worked with gangs (Liz is another H town friend, God love em for coming up here). Acutally, it wasn't middle of nowhere, VA - in reality it was four miles from Shenandoah National Park. So a detour was in order. I walked along the Appalachian trial, took pictures of butterflies, and sat on a big fat rock overlooking the view and read some of the Word, which I had been neglecting, or at least my soul had been feeling the neglect...

Illuminated on the page were these words: "My heart is not proud, O Lord my eyes are not haughty; I do not consider myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me..."

It was good to be in a beautiful national park with just God, the gnats, and my thoughts. My soul was quiet, all attentions and affections undivided. Not worrying about mondays list of chores, or things in my life that I cannot control in the first place. Not worrying about tomorrow because tomorrow can take care of itself.

State within a state

2006-08-04T17:37:00.000-04:00

The world news is sobering these days.

I've been wondering if Israel is suprised at the strength of Hezbollah, and if they really destroy the stronghold in Lebanon, it they will then go into Iran. I read something interesting about Hezbollah today on the BBC, how they maintain loyalty among the Shia community, that is: feed them, clothe them, take of them, ect... Keeping the government and the people in submission.

Hezbollah is not only a military group, and not only a political party; it also has social services that it provides for its supporters, Lebanon's Shia Muslims. Hezbollah has a full infrastructure that gives these people every possible means to keep standing Hussein, member of HezbollahAt one Beirut school, 1,500 people are living in a refugee centre run by Hezbollah. "The group has engineers, it has workers," says Hussein, one of the Hezbollah members running the centre. "Hezbollah has a full infrastructure that gives these people every possible means to keep standing." Another woman told me that even though they were refugees, Hezbollah was giving them everything they needed. The government had limited means, so Hezbollah was helping them, she said. This is how Hezbollah guarantees unwavering loyalty and popular support - by providing for the Shia community. The central government has been weak here for decades so it is easy for Hezbollah to step in. But there is also a sense that Hezbollah monopolises the Shia and keeps the government at bay with its schools, hospitals and women's associations. And with its substantial arsenal of weapons, many Lebanese see the group as a state within a state.

Concert at the Wolf Trap

2006-08-02T21:37:00.000-04:00

Yesterday evening Jadine and I went to see our Katie interpret at the Guster/Ray LaMontagne concert at the Wolf Trap National Park for Performing Arts. I was excited to see Katie in all her glory, but even before i knew she was interpreting, I had been wanting to see Ray in concert.

Ray quite frankly, is amazing. Ray's influences are greats like Otis Redding, Ray Charles, Bob Dylan, Stills and Nash... When I heard him sing, it was one of the most sincere performances i have ever witnessed, it's like every fiber of his being is immersed in that moment and that song. Take the time to read about his life below because you just don't hear very many stories like his.

Okay so we weren't allowed to record but..... i did anyway. i couldn't help myself, i wanted to record ray. you won't see much because i was far away and you can hear me no, not singing, but shouting the lyrics. AHHHHH!! RAY!!! SO GOOD!! Here ya go: Ray at the Wolf Trap

I liked Guster too, and better yet, they gave Katie a shout out. Every time they were done with a song, she signed that everyone was clapping by waving her hands over her head. Throughout the concert, the guys in the band started doing it too, and by the end of the night, the audience joined in, with an occasional: "Catie!!!!!" My roomie sort of emerged with a fan club all her own.

So here is Ray's story:

Ray LaMontagne is a living example of the tranformative power fo music. AFter years of working at a shoe factory, LaMontagne had a revelation that completely shifted the course of his life.

One serendipitous morning, he woke up at 4 am to his alarm playing a song that woudl change his life: Stephen Still's "Treetop Flyer". LaMontange was deeply moved by the soulful lyrics and country-blues sound, since he hardly listened to music before, aside from the occasional radio hit. He skipped work that day and bought the Stills Alone album. He then quit his job, taking the bold first step in changing the direction of his life. He bought the well-worn records of music pioneers like Crosby, Stills and Nash, Bob Dylan, and Otis Redding and listened for hours, immersing himself in their seasoned voices and lyrics. LaMontange discovered that music was a form of emotional expression that had immense healing power. He knew he wanted to be a musician, so he taught himself to sing.

By 1999, he created a demo of 10 songs and was booked as the opening act for several fold performers. It wasn't long before he was noticed, and soon he was signed to a publishing deal with Chrysalis, where producer and player Ethan Johans helped create his debut album, Trouble.

With a voice comparable to Van Morrison and Otis Redding, LaMontagne sings with sincerity and soul.

Community and a cup of coffee

2006-07-31T21:01:00.000-04:00

So church. I've been looking for one here, and not sure if I have found one yet. There are a few that have caught my eye. One that meets at Union Station that is sending people out all over the world, and reaching out to the homeless around the train station. I loved their heart to reach out. Another one is here in Maryland where they sort of bring the liturgical and evangelical worshippers in one house. Communion, giving of tithes, singing all occur together. You can light a candle, sing, join a few others in prayer. All of these actions are ways to pour out our affections for our God and so it refreshed me.

Wanting to be truely involved again in church has been a slow process, but i think i'm ready. My church in Houston experienced a painful split, a few years ago that literally broke my heart. I mean I think my chest hurt when I entered the building for about a year afterwards. This was my family and I thought we laid our lives down for our family, we dont' walk out. We don't give up so easily when things get tough. I even cut all my hair off as this weird response to how hurt i was about it. WHO DOES THAT EXACTLY? Normal girls cut their hair off after a horrible break up with a boy. I cut all my hair off because my church broke up.

So three things got me going again. One: The Church of the Resurrection Episcopal. When i was raising support for my current position, I met two priests in Southern California. Father Mark and Father Nick. I met with them several times to talk about what I would be doing in D.C. I went to their early morning service and shared communion with them. Afterwards they bought me breakfast and just talked wtih me, and they loved on me. Just being in their presence was healing, and it made me see how I can still trust my heart to people who want to lead.

Second: The guys at Deidrichs' coffee shoppe. I had been going to this coffee house since grad school, but never really hung out with the morning crew untill the last eight or nine months of being in houston. We would talk about everything, politics, church history, God, sex, football (which i tolerated), movies, and then some. It taught me something about community, and that programs are most definitely not the answer and sometimes more is accomplished spiritually over a cup of joe and the new york times than going to the monday night bible study.

Third: God taught me that there is no man or ministry that will ever be the foundation of my life. Jesus and only Jesus my faithful one, my rock, my great love. Let Him always be with me during the church dramas and the storms in this life...

The church split really shook me up, but I think it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Two minutes

2006-07-31T08:34:00.000-04:00

Every two minutes a child will die in the Congo.

Every day 1,250 people die in the silent war of Africa, that has taken more lives in a war since World War II. In a report released in July, Unicef described the death toll in Congo as a “tsunami of death every six months.” In all, nearly four million people have died as a result of the conflict since 1998, almost half of them children under the age of 5, according to the International Rescue Committee.

According to the article: "About 30,000 children have been forced into militias, while untold thousands of girls have been raped, according to the Unicef report. Children labor under toxic conditions in gold and diamond mines. Orphans choke the streets of Kinshasa, the capital, bedraggled platoons in Congo’s vast army of want. "

This is depressing to start out on a Monday, but i read this in the NY Times last night and I was heart broken. These children need our prayers.

The insurgency

2006-07-29T22:45:00.000-04:00

I think in my life there are two battles that have tried to break me: One a battle for my love, or rather to know, not just intellectually but to the depths that I am loved by God. And two, where does my identity rest, or in whom does it rest.

The second one is huge for me, and maybe for others as well. I get encouragement, and then I experience rejection, an unmet expectation, or a failure and I so easily forget. Sitting at Deidrichs a few years back I was praying and journaling and I wrote something that I reread this evening:

No one's perception of you can alter the truth about who you are, or diminish the work that was birthed in you from the beginning. The truth is steadfast, the truth cannot be broken in two, it cannot be blown away. You have been sealed and annointed for a good work. Those that have spoken falsely over, that have spoken words of doubt. Those words fall to the ground today because I have spoken life over you, My precious promises to give you a hope and a future.

There will always be an insurgency to challenge my hold on the truth. I'm starting to see that nothing I can do or be in this life will truely validate me as a woman, or a human being. Those are all broken cisterns that as I attempt to drink from them, will just keep me frustrated and discouraged.

But I can be His. I can love God, and love people. And, I can try to do that every day.

Faces in the crowd: Jeremy S

2006-07-28T22:21:00.000-04:00

In H-Town our major newspaper is the Houston Chronicle. I’m not particularly fond of the Chronicle, but they have this little vignette each week called, “Faces in the Crowd”. It features someone in the area that is worthy of knowing, who is just plain cool. A guy I know from Deidrichs coffee shoppe was featured a month ago, which you can view here. You won’t be disappointed.

So I decided to create my own “Faces in the Crowd” because I have some very unique characters in my life that I think others should know about, even if it’s vicariously though my perspective. If you find yourself as a feature, don’t be alarmed. I can promise you that 99.9% of what I write will be good stuff.

My first feature is a fellow partner in crime at ICC: Jeremy S.

Jeremy S. is a unique bird – and it’s not because he was home schooled (please laugh at that Jeremy). First of all, we have to start out with his car, which we fondly call Estelle. She is amazing in that her whole rear end is covered in bumper stickers:

In fact, some of them that I especially love are : “Make mine Virginia wine”
and “This car protected by a man who plays the bagpipes”, and so on.

Jeremy S is teachable. He frequently asks the girls at our organization how to be a better boyfriend. I don’t know if he would exactly express it this way, but basically I think his motivation is to understand and be more empathetic to the female soul. He always asks good questions.

The man is a pro at picking out produce. Occasionally we trade food items at lunch, and the other day I gave him my avocado for his peach. I definitely got the better deal.

My final story: When Jeremy S was trying to figure out if he was supposed to take the job at our organization, he felt like he needed to include God in on the conversation and what better way to bond man to man than to smoke a cigar? I personally believed God was more of a pipe person, but anyhow he sat in the parking lot and smoked a cigar and at the end of the discussion he decided to take the plunge.. But not untill he had climbed the wall of the building to see inside. When he saw that the suites were looking good that sealed the deal for him. He was ready to go to work.

Is this young man so inspirational to dedicate a whole blog post to him? I think so. Jeremy is a face worth noticing, because he has a heart worth noticing (a bit cheesy but it's true). In my daily observations I have noticed he carries himself in such a self-effacing way, with strength but also with great humility. If you spoke with him, you would have to really dig deep to know that he practically runs the place. As a newcomer to the group, it is a privilege to know and to learn from him.

And by the way, he really does play the bagpipes....

Fourth of July

2006-07-27T22:01:00.000-04:00

My fourth was spent with my beautiful roomate Jadine. Along with
new friends: Jessie and Sandra. I am also very happy to report i
spent it with Abe too.

It happened to be a rainy day, and these people decided to wear umbrellas on their heads. Sneaking up on them, one of the ladies turned around. I told them they were going to be on my blog. They were not impressed.

This is Abe's view.

Jessie and Jadine

Sandra

It ended up being a beautiful night. Afterwards, the girls and I walked to
Dupont Circle. There was a bunch of people gathered around the Metro
dancing the night away. This band called The Lively Stones, was playing (think
New Orleans and jazz) . A line began to form and Jadine dropped everything and
joined them. I wish i had taken a picture of her. I was exhausted at the end, but it was
lovely, and I hope yours was too...

Manifest Destiny

2006-07-26T08:34:00.000-04:00

Sometimes music speaks to me more than anything else can or does in my life. On August 1st my roommate, Katie, who is a sign language interpreter, is signing for a concert featuring Guster (no idea) and Ray LaMontangue (love him man, I just love him). She is signing for Guster, and was practicing for us. One of the songs that I just heard for the first time was called “Manifest Destiny”. When I was listening to the words, I jumped off the bed to go get my camera. Here is the video and the words she is signing: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8672289353760176238

You and I can quit this scene
Build a town and then secede
Like an Adam and an Eve
To the dreamers go the dreams
But the leaders take the lead
It's a frightening, frightening thing

Born to the land of opportunity
of Manifest destiny

Do you want to change your mind?
You can always change your mind

For some of you destiny and purpose may seem crystal clear and you have no problems deciphering what the heck God wants to do with your life. For me, it has been a road where I feel like I only get to travel a few inches at a time with some light. But I know the dreams I have dreamed since I was a little girl, before I even knew what God was all about. Those dreams came back to me in college and especially in grad school. I don’t believe dreams are given to us in vain, but I still don’t know how much we do ourselves and how much is God. I know our life is full of OUR choices.

I don’t want my life to be a waste, I want it to have served a purpose. I never thought I would be in this town, that D.C. would be apart of the journey, or how it fits into the whole picture. I thought by now, that I would be hanging out in some hut in a third world country. Who knew?